


Until It's Time

by GirlKnownSomewhere



Category: The Monkees (Band), The Monkees (TV)
Genre: 1960s, Angst, Band Fic, Cuddling & Snuggling, Extramarital Affairs, F/M, Foreplay, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Petting, Kissing, Making Out, Romance, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:15:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlKnownSomewhere/pseuds/GirlKnownSomewhere
Summary: A young TV set extra forms a unique bond with the aloof Monkee.
Relationships: Mike Nesmith/Jan Freeman, Mike Nesmith/Phyllis Nesmith
Comments: 20
Kudos: 13





	1. Sweet Young Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my Godddd, I can't believe I wrote all of this, lmao. This is inspired by a very real photoshoot Mike and Jan did on the set of the Monkees' sitcom that a close friend and I were looking at, and randomly commented that they would make a cute couple, lol. Jan is a bit like the female lead 'Julianna' from my 'This is Now' series; wherein we don't really know much about her personal life, so I made up her backstory and personality. And as per usual, I messed with a little bit of Monkee history to fit the fic's narrative and structure, but nothing too ridic. I like to think all of my series are in the same fanfic universe, but you technically don't have to read my Julianna or Ann Moses stories for this one. (Though if you do read all of them, you might notice a tiny bit of retconning occasionally.) Also, before this looks too goofy....I swear it's complete coincidence all of my protagonists have the name 'Ann' included in their names, lol. Anyways, enjoy, and stay safe and healthy, everyone! ❤️✨
> 
> P.S. Thank you to the very awesome 'petiteclover' over at Tumblr for making my fic banners lately 💖
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the Monkees' or other celebrities featured's likenesses (I ~partially own Jan, lol).
> 
> ETA: Depending on how obsessive of a Monkees fan you are, you might notice only twelve days after I posted this story, Jan participated in a very rare interview at the Texas Prairie Chicken podcast. Turns out I actually wasn't far off on her personal history and got a lot of her backstory right. She even admitted she had a big crush on Mike. :O If you do listen to the interview before or after you read my Jan fics, you'll notice I did get a couple of specific details wrong, but hey, at the end of the day this is still fanfic, so I'm not going to worry about it too much, lol. Between my accurate guess work on Jan's and some of Ann's personal lives, I'm starting to wonder if I'm psychic, haha.

Ch. 1: Sweet Young Thing

Hollywood, October 1966

Jan Freeman walked out of the giant costume closet in her wardrobe for the day’s shooting episode of “The Monkees.” She had only been working as a regular background extra on the new musical sitcom for a month, but so far it was the most fun she had ever had on a job. Not that she had much work experience beforehand, as she was about to turn 19 next week and just graduated high school last year. Jan had begun living away from her family in a tiny condominium next to Venice when a fellow graduate tipped her off that last pilot season was looking for extras and stand-ins. The requirements sounded pretty simplistic, but that was alright, because she had no idea what she wanted to do with her newfound freedom since finishing school. She hadn’t even signed up for junior college or a customer service position like most young adults, so wearing costumes and being told what to do in front of a camera sounded as good as anything else in town. Especially since most of her time off set was currently spent at the beach or on the Sunset Strip with local hippies (and not ‘beatniks’ as Jan still had to correct her mother on the now out of fashion label). She had grown fascinated with the bohemian culture and found a lot of people in showbusiness did too. 

On top of making an easy paycheck, Jan quickly discovered that everyone in the cast and crew was easy going and incredibly friendly. Especially the guys themselves, with her already well acquainted with Micky Dolenz and Peter Tork as set buddies. Most fortunately, there didn’t appear to be much jealousy between any of the other young female extras hired for the show either. She now hung out with fellow ‘Monkee girls’ Valerie Kairys, Roxanne Albee and June Fairchild on set breaks and during lunch. Valerie and Roxanne were Hollywood natives who both modeled on the side. June was from Manhattan Beach and presently had a steady gig as a dancer around LA when she wasn’t offered bit parts by showrunners Bob Rafelson and Bert Schneider. Despite being a SoCal local as well—brought up in a beachside community in Malibu—Jan never felt the need to sign up for anything flashy like modeling or dancing. It also showed with how they normally dressed during filming. Even though “The Monkees” was shot like any other sitcom, the cast and extras got a lot more say in what they wanted to wear. While the two blondes (Valerie and Roxanne) were usually dressed in cute, feminine outfits that exemplified their slim figures, Jan generally stuck to regular pants or knee-length skirts, with ordinary blouses or T-shirts. The one thing she did have going for her was her long, straight hair. She was a natural brunette, but spending so much time exposed to the California sun during the summer seasons had caused the lower ends to appear golden. Jan figured that was why it hadn’t been difficult getting hired for TV gigs, since casting directors told her she had a ‘great look’ between the colorful mane and tomboyish clothes.

As she entered the faux-apartment complex for the current TV shoot, Jan found miscellaneous grips and actors scattered around the room. To her left she saw Valerie and Roxanne playing go-fish to pass time, and to her right, a couple of magazine reporters she recognized as Ann Moses and Rochelle Reed with drinks and their notebooks. The former two were in white and blue two-piece outfits with quite a lot of midriff, while Jan was in brown, corduroy trousers, a navy blue, long-sleeved blouse and matching sailor hat. She actually appeared closer to how the female writers were casually dressed, minus the hat. Across from Jan stood Peter, Micky and Davy Jones helping with the staging for the next scene. The three young men were all in their famous Monkee costumes of red double-breasted tops and grey pants. Jan was ‘warned’ once she was cast on the show that most girls wound up having crushes on Davy out of the bandmates. Though that wasn’t really an issue for her. While she had become most familiar with Micky and Peter and they were both pretty cute physically, their personalities were a bit too goofy for her preference romantically. Plus the only reason Roxanne was on the show is because she’s dating Micky. And as for Davy, well. It wasn’t difficult to see why he was growing so popular with junior high girls with his short height and pretty boy looks making it look like he could still pass for not much older. But the fourth Monkee…

Almost instantly Jan felt an attraction to Michael Nesmith. He was tall, talented, had a dry, sardonic sense of humor that made him stand out in the group, a traditionally handsome face and dark hair. Not only did he have good comedic timing on screen and could write a killer pop, folk or country tune, but he had quickly become an impressive record producer, as noted on two tracks of the group’s self-titled debut LP. In fact, it shocked Jan to hear from Peter that their record supervisor, Don Kirshner supposedly hated Mike’s singing vocals, because she didn’t hear anything wrong with them on her end. Add all of this on top of his penchant for wearing sunglasses and a denim or suede jacket while driving his motorcycle or Riviera, and Mike was practically perfect in Jan’s eyes. 

But her crush immediately came to a halt once she learned he was married and even had a toddler at home. This was a bummer, especially since getting involved with colleagues was already a risk, but now she was really going to have to make sure to keep her infatuation a secret. Which actually wasn’t too hard, seeing as Mike regularly mingled the least on set and Jan had only spoken to him a handful of times, all in group conversations. One of the most surprising things about the Monkees was that Mike wasn’t the oldest member (that would be Peter at 24). But his home status, physical maturity, naturally cool stance and habit of being the leader in most situations would make you think he was older than his 23 years of age. Jan was only five years younger, but his presence still felt so much worldlier than she ever was. Though appealing, it was also a little intimidating, so just admiring his looks and personality from a far was fine with her presently.

The young woman randomly turned around to see Bob Custer, the staff photographer of Tiger Beat Magazine, happen to be walking toward her. 

“Oh, hey, Jan. Do you have a few minutes?”

“I think so,” she replied plainly.

“Great, I’m actually hoping to use you for a quick shoot,” he revealed.

Her eyes widened slightly at the idea. “Oh…you sure? I mean, Valerie and Roxanne are usually more game for that kind of thing. Or one of the guest stars.”

He half-shrugged, half-nodded. “Yeah, I was hoping for a fresher face who’s not blonde.”

Jan nodded as a response while he moved beyond her to set up his camera. Once more as she turned her head, she was visually greeted by another person entering the room. This time Mike, also in his similar costume of red shirt and grey pants, and his famous green wool beanie atop his head.

He noticed her only seconds after she spotted him and acknowledged her with a quick nod. “Hi, Jane.”

“Jan,” she corrected.

“Oh, my mistake,” he sounded apologetic. “From Venice, right?”

“Yeah,” she verified, a tiny bit relieved that he remembered something accurate about her. “I live around there, but I grew up in Malibu.”

“From one beach to another,” he commented before taking a seat in one of the prop chairs. Not much later, Bob entered again. 

“Great, Mike’s here,” he said while picking up his camera from a table next to Mike. “Jan, can you take a seat with him?”

She froze at the suggestion for a moment. “Oh…sure…” She drifted while making her way over to Mike. Although with the way the pseudo-living room was set up, she noticed there wasn’t really an angle that would work with two seats. “For some reason, I was thinking you wanted a few photos of me in front of the props.”

“Nope. Ralph wants some pictures of Mike with one of the girls,” Bob revealed after taking off the lens cap.

Jan felt her heart jump in her chest for a milli-second as she stopped next to Mike’s chair. “So…how does this work?”

He snapped a quick, test shot of Mike. “Oh, you know. Just act all cute and romantic for the camera.”

The extra barely reacted to the directions. “…Wouldn’t Phyllis make more sense for something like this?” She asked cautiously.

Bob chuckled slightly. “Well, Phyllis is great and all. But, you know…not particularly a model.”

“Oh, so you do want Valerie or Roxanne then,” Jan continued to stress.

“Uh, no. I wanted you…” Bob was confused over her hesitation. 

“But I don’t model,” she finally revealed.

The photographer looked honestly surprised at the confession. “Really?”

“Yes…Is that bad?” She asked concerned.

“No,” he laughed. “I’m just shocked.”

Jan crinkled her brow, not sure how she gave him the impression of otherwise. 

“He’s suggesting you’re good looking enough to be a model,” Mike finally spoke calmly as an explanation for her perplexed expression.

Her eyebrows shot up at that. 

“It’s not just your looks,” Bob clarified. “But the way you hold yourself, your aura and how you walk. It makes it appear like you’re confident with your appearance.”

She felt her cheeks warm a little at the compliment. “Well…thank you.”

He snapped a photo of her with a smirk.

“You still want me for the shoot?” She asked surprised.

“Oh, sure,” he assured. “Can you sit?”

“What?” 

Before Bob could respond, Jan felt a hand on her wrist swiftly pull her downward. Caught off guard, she landed on Mike’s hip rather disoriented and with her left arm falling across his shoulder. She heard Bob let out another chuckle at Mike’s trick, while she straightened herself upright and settled on sitting on the armrest. She kept her hand on his shoulder, though more obliviously than on purpose. Glancing down, Jan noticed Mike had grabbed a spare bowl of leftover popcorn on the coffee table from the scenes shot earlier that morning before she arrived. She looked at his face to find him with a content smile. 

“Okay, so just get comfortable and have an ordinary conversation as if I’m not here,” Bob directed while taking a couple of shots. Still feeling self-conscious from her unfamiliarity with the photoshoot process, Jan just sat stiffly until Mike spoke again. 

“You know, posing is just another more stilted form of acting,” he offered. “It’s not that serious, really.”

“Thanks…I’m not much of an actor though,” she sheepishly responded.

“Well, me neither,” he assured dryly as support. The camera snapped a couple more pictures when Mike looked up to Jan and squinted slightly in pondering. “I don’t get a ‘Jan’ vibe off your persona,” he revealed.

That comment intrigued her. “Oh?...”

“Yeah. You seem more like a ‘Liz,’” he theorized.

She sported another surprised expression at the name choice. “That’s…very impressive. My middle name’s ‘Elizabeth.’” 

He grabbed a handful of popcorn in satisfaction. “I occasionally wonder if I’m intuitive,” he said before taking a couple bites. She smiled in fascination.

The sound of Bob’s camera clicking brought her back to reality briefly, until she remembered she was supposed to be acting like he wasn’t there. For the next five minutes, Mike and Jan continued to converse, with the latter discovering that it wasn’t too uncomfortable communicating one-on-one with the guitarist. Actually, she was really enjoying their chatting. Mike asked her genuine questions about herself, and she discovered his charisma was authentic and not just a put-on for the fans. His aloof reputation around the studios and to the press wasn’t present either. It wasn’t until Bob asked if they had a little bit more time to shoot in another location that Jan realized her hand had stayed on Mike’s shoulder the whole time they had been talking. When he noticed her realization, he just grinned, casually stood up and asked Bob where he wanted to finish the photoshoot. The photographer suggested the traditional portrait studio that was used on the lot for headshots and publicity photos of contracted actors. Mike then suddenly took hold of Jan’s hand and led her out of the room as they followed Bob. Jan felt her heart race a little at the contact and wondered if he was usually this physical with friends. But he dropped her hand about halfway to the destination, making her conclude that the action wasn’t meant to suggest anything.

Once inside the empty studio room, Bob declared that he wanted some actual amateur modeling for this set of photos. He encouraged them to smile at both the camera and each other while he snapped his device. It wasn’t until Bob asked Jan to pose ‘like a fan’ and gaze up at the music star longingly, that she stiffened again. Mike noticed this quickly and began playfully mocking Bob’s directions as a way to lighten the mood. When he dramatically posed with a hand on his hip, Jan released a hearty laugh and heard Bob say “perfect” as he took a shot of the reaction.

By the time the trio returned to the show set, they found that the cast and crew were still assembling for the scene. This wasn’t really a surprise as there was generally a lot of downtime during film shoots for the crew to get the equipment completely ready. Bob went his own way to where Ann and Rochelle were behind the TV camera. Mike and Jan spent the rest of the shooting schedule apart from each other, as the former was a lead with dialogue and the latter directed to stick to the back corner of the room with the other extras. The scene was an extravagant, over the top party sequence with Micky dressed in drag to ‘fool’ Davy’s on-screen love interest’s father that the group’s house party had an older chaperone in attendance. While the band played out the scripted shenanigans, the Monkee girls and male extras were supposed to be dancing and cheering to the music and other party activities. 

While pretending to be having a blast, Jan’s mind kept wandering back to Mike. She wondered how much of the popstar/rockstar lifestyle he lived up to as a married man. She didn’t really pay much attention to musicians before the Beatles invaded pop culture. Even Elvis didn’t grab her in junior high like most of her school friends. She’d go as far as to say she didn’t have a ‘type’ for possible significant others, and just used a decent personality and nice face as a starting off point with dates. It wasn’t until she went to a local Byrds concert during her last semester of high school that she suddenly started seeing the appeal. This only grew when she met groups like the Monkees, the Yardbirds, the Kinks, the Stones and so on when they were around the TV sets she was working on; and it currently hit an extreme high from becoming familiar with Mike. 

But what was really on her mind, was how he dealt with the infamously rabid fangirls and young women who threw themselves at their favorite musicians. Roxanne once told Jan some of those ‘fans’ got to know the stars more intimately than just meet & greets and autographs, which only piqued her curiosity. Did those type of dalliances occur primarily with available music artists? How did Phyllis—Mike’s wife—feel about those kinds of women always being near her husband? Jan might be young, but she wasn’t completely naïve. She knew men who traveled regularly were more likely to feel temptation than men who worked in town. 

When the episode director, Bruce Kessler, called ‘cut’ and wrapped for the day’s shooting at 7:00 PM, Jan headed back into the wardrobe closet. Ten minutes later she was out of costume and in her own pair of dark brown pants and a red, long-sleeved paisley blouse. When she opened the set door to exit the apartment, she saw Mike also happen to leave costuming, and was now in jeans, white buttoned-up top, a brown aviator jacket and sunglasses on his face. He acknowledged her as he placed his wallet in his jacket pocket. “Hey, Liz.”

She couldn’t help the smile forming at the irreverent moniker he had just come up with for her.

“You looking for a ride home?”

Her heart did a little jump at the offer. “Oh…you don’t have to. Venice isn’t really close to Bel Air…”

He shrugged a shoulder. “I’m happy to do it. April’s usually not home until 8:00 on Wednesdays anyway.”

_‘April? Who’s April?’_

“Plus we can give Christian’s babysitter a bonus for spending an extra hour at the house,” he continued. The reference to his son made Jan consider that ‘April’ was a nickname he has for Phyllis, and then she wondered if having nicknames for women he knew was another of his famous ‘Nezisms.’

“Well, alright. If you seriously don’t mind…”

He popped his jacket collar for effect. “Let’s do it. Give me a new scenery on the road.”

She laughed at the embellished delivery. “Okay. Just let me go tell Roxanne in case she’s wondering how I left, since I arrived with her this morning.” 

“No problem. I’ll meet you in the lot,” he ended and turned to walk to his vehicle.

On her way back to the dressing room, Jan saw Rochelle walking toward the exit with her sunglasses on and a cigarette in her mouth. She appeared to be digging through her bag in what Jan assumed was in search for her lighter. Suddenly an idea popped in her head. “Hey, Rochelle.”

The raven-haired reporter glanced up to the brunette. “Hi, Jan. Do you have a light?”

“Oh, no. I don’t smoke,” she answered.

“Crap.” Rochelle sighed in defeat. 

“You’ve traveled with the Monkees, right?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. On the first tour. Well, if you can even call it that. It was only two weeks of promo appearances,” she explained.

“What are they like on the road? I mean, is it really as wild and crazy as the other rock & roll groups?”

Rochelle tossed her bag on her shoulder and put the unused cigarette back in the small pack she kept in her pants pocket. “I guess. I’m pretty immune to wild antics these days though, so you might have to be more specific.”

“Does Mike party a lot on tour?” Jan finally asked her real reason for investigation.

“No, unfortunately,” the writer replied drolly. “He usually just locks himself in his hotel room after the shows. Or if they’re in Texas, he visits family. The other three though…”

“Oh, okay. Thanks,” Jan attempted to end and keep walking.

“Wait, why do you ask?” Rochelle tried to keep her back.

“Oh, uh, well…” The stand-in struggled to think of something discreet. “I was just wondering because they keep getting more and more famous and…Mike’s never been single…”

“I know. Imagine wasting all that youth and sex appeal on marriage so soon,” Rochelle bemoaned. “I mean, it doesn’t usually matter with most musicians, but I guess it does with him.”

“That’s nice to know,” Jan considered vaguely. “Well, see you around.”

Rochelle waved, though not completely convinced.

When Jan opened the studio lot’s front entrance after informing Roxanne, she found Mike already in his car waiting for her. 

“Your electric chariot, Miss Venice,” he quipped cheekily.

A little giggle escaped her as she entered the vehicle and placed her bag on her lap after closing the door. Once inside, Mike zoomed out of the parking lot, convincing Jan to put on the seatbelt. She noticed he gradually kept a few miles above the speed limit as they drove, though she wasn’t sure if out of habit or because he was showing off a little. When they reached the freeway, he asked for her address, which she told him. Then he leisurely began sharing the details of his car, making Jan quickly discover that Mike was a big car fanatic. He revealed that there were already three automobiles—two GTOs and a Riviera—plus his motorcycle at his residence since the first Monkees record and the sitcom blew up. She remembered seeing him drive to the studio on his bike once, and of course, imagined what it would be like to ride on the back of it. 

A couple minutes later, Jan pointed to the direction of her neighborhood once they were off the freeway and Mike parked in front of her complex. The street was fairly modest and laid back, with not much noise compared to downtown LA.

“Well, what do you know. Venice actually does have more than just bohemians and beatniks going for it,” Mike sardonically offered.

“Hey, now,” she teased. “No one even uses the word ‘beatnik’ anymore.”

“Huh—oh, that’s right. It’s ‘hippie’ these days,” he remembered lazily. “Which I take, you’re a supporter of?”

She scooted closer in her seat to face him. “Oh, well…I don’t know about that, exactly. I mean, a lot of my friends are into the hippie lifestyle, but I’m just alright with it. I don’t even have my own stash.”

“That’s good,” he assured. “You don’t want to get to distracted by superficial substances like drugs. They’ll just slow you down.”

“Right…” Jan had actually smoked grass a handful of times while out socializing and enjoyed it, but didn’t mention that. 

“Unless you are interested, then Peter can find you a joint in under 10 minutes!” He joked with exaggeration.

She laughed. “Peter’s not too bad. I appreciate how much he’s made all the extras feel a part of the band’s circle.”

He just nodded casually in return. After a long pause, she spoke again. “Well…thanks for whatever this was,” she appreciated.

“I think this was me giving you a ride home,” he responded a little amused.

“Oh, yeah,” she agreed lightly. “I meant like the whole day. You know if I was a Monkees fangirl, that photoshoot would’ve been the perfect birthday present.”

She could sense his face perk up from behind his shades. “Is it your birthday?”

“It’s technically the 17th,” she answered with a big smile.

“Well, hey, happy early birthday!” He congratulated enthusiastically. “I’ll bring a cupcake to set next week.”

“Thanks,” she said as her smile just grew bigger.

“So which one? Sweet 16?”

She chuckled again. Something about his tone made it clear he was kidding and didn’t literally think she was that young. “No. I’ll be 19.”

“Ah,” he nodded. “That wasn’t a good year for me,” he confessed in memory.

“Oh…” She lingered awkwardly.

“But you are in a much better spot than I was around that time, so you’ll likely get to enjoy it,” he reassured.

She sighed in relief and returned her grin. “Alright. Here’s hoping…See you tomorrow,” she parted with a wave and stepped out of the car. When she turned around once out of the vehicle, she saw Mike coolly wave back before turning the engine on again.


	2. More Than as a Friend

Ch. 2: More Than as a Friend

Hollywood, November 1966

Jan never, ever intended for this to happen, let alone thought it actually would seriously happen. She couldn’t even tell you how it had gotten this far. At the moment, she and Mike were hidden behind the Monkees’ usual soundstage at ScreenGems passionately French kissing. It had been three weeks since they posed for Bob Custer’s photoshoot, and since then, Jan had formed quite a friendship with the ‘serious’ Monkee. She now spoke with him almost as much as Micky and Peter, and he had driven her home five more times since the day of the shoot as well. Jan had to imagine most people around the set were at least a little surprised that he was spending a lot more time out of trailer than usual. But she personally felt elated that he was legitimately interested in spending time with her, even platonically. It wasn’t until last week when they had to film a big, crowd huddle, with the Monkee girls charging forward, that everything changed. While running near the faux-club stage, Mike must’ve seen she was about to trip, because as soon as she lost her footing, she felt his hand instantly grab her shoulder. When she caught her balance and breath again, he kept his hand on her shoulder and asked: “Everything okay?” She nodded, and her heart began to beat a second faster in a way that confirmed to her that she was still physically attracted to him. When she glanced up, she was sure she saw a glimpse in his eyes for a split second that expressed the same feeling. She shook her head out of her brief trance when she heard Bruce call ‘cut’ and ask for a second take, and she rushed over to the other side of the room. She went out of her way not to speak to Mike the rest of the day’s shoot as well. When everyone was heading back to wardrobe, she and Mike somehow bumped into each other behind the trailers, and next thing she knew they were kissing. 

It should have been easy to reject him and not feel tempted to get physical with a married man, but the problem was that it just felt so good being kissed by him. He was definitely the best kisser Jan had ever experienced. Granted, she’d only ever kissed two guys before him. She remembered how disappointing her first ‘real’ kiss was with a boy her age in 8th grade while at a classmate’s birthday party. It started as a chaste peck until he decided it would be a good idea to try to shove his whole tongue in her mouth. That put her off from romance for a couple of years until she was involved with her high school boyfriend, Aaron for junior and senior year. He was a step up maturity wise, but compared to Mike…well, Aaron was now demoted to the second best kisser.

Mike had this habit of kissing with his lips slightly parted, and using barely any tongue, almost like he was teasing her. This just drove her crazy to the point where she initiated more passion into the lip-lock, with him gladly reciprocating in return. Currently behind the soundstage, he had his hands around her waist, while hers were placed on his shoulders, hoping her knees didn’t buckle in and she didn’t melt into a puddle. This was only their third time kissing since the first incident, and since then Jan had convinced herself that it didn’t technically count as an affair if it was just making out. Which was completely ridiculous and nonsensical, and what she would chalk up later in life as being really young and very stupid. But she was relieved that he seemed to be content with just that presently, as he hadn’t really made any notion or move to go further. Though part of her wondered what the appeal of that was to someone with his experience. Then again, it’s not like he was single and had to wait for her if he wanted more. Or maybe he had convinced himself of the same irrational logic she had. 

Jan hadn’t much sexual history as it was. She and Aaron ended their relationship somewhere between 2nd and 3rd base, which is probably why their break-up at graduation was bittersweet. Jan didn’t consider herself a prude, and while premarital sex had gradually become less taboo in contemporary times compared to her parents’ and grandparents’ generations; she didn’t really feel the need to have sex just for the sake of having it. She liked Aaron a lot back in school, and she kept expecting her spirit to sense when the right moment to go all the way should happen, but it never came. Yet within the past month, that had completely flipped, and she was suddenly feeling much more adventurous. It actually startled her how much she was willing to do whatever Mike wanted.

Jan gasped as Mike’s mouth left her lips and landed on the top of her collarbone, where he learned during their last private moment was an area that had a particular effect on her. Gripping him tighter, she pulled him closer before exclaiming breathlessly: “We need to get back to the set.”

“We still have a couple of minutes,” he reminded as he gently sucked the edge of her neck.

Holding back a moan, she forced herself to open her eyes and push away from the embrace. “No, I have to be in there before you,” she corrected with a big breath.

He exhaled deeply and nodded in agreement with his eyes still closed. Jan ran a hand through her hair as she regained herself, until Mike quickly pulled her forward for another kiss. Her hands were on his upper arms as she accepted the action again, but only for a few seconds before pulling back. “No, Mike, we really need to stop.”

This time he let go. “You’re right,” he agreed with another big sigh. 

She made it three steps away before turning around, jumping back into his arms, and locking lips again. He was taken aback at the abruptness and before he could hold her properly, she bounced away. “Okay, that’s it, see you in there, bye,” she parted breathlessly and hardly coherent before rushing into the studio. 

When Jan opened the door, she found most of the cast and crew for the current episode’s shoot already inside. She gazed to the left to see June walking in her direction with a toy monkey.

“Jannie, I told you Ric couldn’t—whoa…You want to spend a couple more minutes in make-up?” She asked concerned.

“What? Why?” Jan returned confused.

“Your face is all pink,” June explained while drawing an imaginary circle around her face for emphasis.

The response just made Jan’s cheeks even warmer, suddenly relieved she generally wore the bare minimum amount of camera make-up she could get away with. “Oh, I forgot something in the car and ran here on my way back, so…yeah,” she fibbed as an excuse and still out of breath.

June nodded, though still a bit stunned at her friend’s state.

“But that’s a good idea, I could use some more powder. I’ll…be right back,” Jan ended the exchange with.

The next time Mike and Jan met up, Mike offered to show her his personal trailer next to the show’s set. She (or more her hormones) happily complied and followed him inside the portable room. This just made their kissing advance into legitimate necking and heavy petting while lying on the tiny couch inside. Jan didn’t know what she was expecting his trailer to look like, but it certainly wasn’t boring. There was low lighting everywhere, with only some white holiday type lights hanging around the ceiling. On a fold-out desk she noticed a small stack of car fan zines and a couple of books on record engineering. Mike then sat on the couch and gingerly pulled her by the hand into his lap, causing a pleasant squeal from her. Eventually they settled comfortably with their legs intertwined and Jan covering Mike as they made out and gradually ran their hands over their fully clothed bodies. Mike’s hands would softly trace along her sides and her back until the edge of her behind, with her hoping he would eventually dare to go lower. Jan settled on running her hands over his neck and shoulders, occasionally breaking away to peck and nibble his jaw and upper neck. An unusually low, long moan came from her when he captured her bottom lip with both of his, and she instinctively grinded her hips against his waist. Though he groaned in response, he chose that to be the moment their faces separate and catch their breaths. As Jan let out a big, satisfied sigh, she opened her eyes to see Mike just as content. She lazily set her chin on her hands on his chest as he ran his hands slowly through her hair, which she found stimulating in a different way. 

“I love your hair. No one else has hair like this,” he told her with a warm smile and gently tucked all of it over her left shoulder.

She flushed at the compliment as she carefully moved to his side and propped herself on her elbow. “If you ever visited the beach, you’d see lots of people’s hair with sun damage,” she teased.

“It doesn’t look damaged,” he claimed tranquilly playing with a strand. “It’s as if you were blessed by Venus.”

 _‘Jeeeez.’_ Whether or not it was just a line, it completely won her over and she felt herself physically swoon. Moments like this made it feel like she was truly dreaming. A very vivid, surreal, wonderful dream. Last summer she was just an ordinary girl in LA who had barely been physically active since Aaron left; and now she was cuddling with a successful, kind, gifted, handsome (albeit unavailable) man. Even if she was dumb enough to tell someone about all of this, who would believe her?

Moving forward, Mike and Jan speedily formed a routine of seeing each other on set breaks and during lunch. The latter of which Jan suggested they only do at most every other day so to not make it so obvious they were missing at the same time. While she was having fun canoodling with the songwriter, she still knew deep down this secret was a terrible idea, and she didn’t know if she could handle the fallout of it becoming public. One because of the judgment, and another because she had made legitimate friendships on the set. The pair did talk to each other as much as they fool around in his trailer, but she hadn’t actually worked up the courage to ask how far he wanted to go with all of this. Partly because she didn’t want direct confirmation of the high chance of it being limited. 

When Mike wasn’t around, Jan would sometimes try to subtly get other people’s thoughts on the illusive artist during light conversations in between scenes. He was so charming and nice to her that she had difficulty imagining how he garnered so many polarizing and divisive opinions from others.

“Oh my God, he is SO good looking. And smart,” Valerie fawned to her one time at lunch. “What a drag he’s married. Nothing against Phyllis though, since she’s nice and all…”

“He can play a quality pedal-steel guitar these days. When the group gets our musical freedom, we’re going to compose a song with Mike on steel and me on banjo,” Peter proudly predicted.

“Mike’s pretty groovy,” said band friend and collaborator Bill Chadwick. “He’s going to get me session work on two of his tracks. Can’t say there’s many people that generous in this industry.”

“He’s got talent, but he needs to lighten up if he wants to make it in showbusiness,” Jan overheard Bert Schneider comment to fellow showrunner Bob Rafelson by the set lights.

“Speaking of Mike, he still owes me that $10 I loaned him when we were on location,” Davy razzed at the hall vending machine.

“I’ll tell you what, Mike Nesmith is a real pain in my ass,” Ann complained bluntly on the side of the Monkee apartment during a camera change.

Jan’s brow rose slightly at that accusation. “Really? How so?”

The magazine reporter looked at the TV extra dully. “Jan. Have you noticed I’ve been visiting this series for almost three months and Mike’s maybe said five words to me?”

“Oh…” That did ring a bell. “Well, he just hates talking to the press, that’s all.”

“I can’t help that,” Ann droned on. “I’m only trying to make a living.” She grabbed her paper cup of soda and began back to her regular spot in the corner.

“I could talk to him about it next time I run into him,” Jan suggested while following her.

“What? Are you kidding?” The blonde asked in disbelief.

“No…”

“He’s talking to the extras but he still won’t speak to me? Ugh.”

****

A couple days later, Jan and Roxanne were lounging on the set couch as the main actors were out of the room for a costume change. Jan was doodling in a pocket-sized notebook, while Roxanne had a recent copy of Tiger Beat.

“Hey, Jan. You’re in this issue.”

“I am?” She asked passively.

“Yeah, it’s a picture of you and Mike.” Roxanne passed the open magazine to her friend. Jan glanced at the page and found one of the photos from their shoot with Bob Custer last month. It was one of the images of her sitting on the arm of Mike’s chair comfortably. What made her start to worry was the context of the article accompanying it.

“Mike!” Jan called as she noticed him entering the set again in a casual suit for the scene and rushed over to him. 

He raised his head at the sound of his name. “How’s it going, Liz?” He greeted.

“Bob published those photos we took,” she revealed.

“Well, he is a professional. Wouldn’t make much sense for him to keep the roll for himself,” he reminded her nonchalantly. 

“But one of the photos is featured in the rumors column of the magazine,” she insisted. “And Ann’s talking about gossip on your guys’ love lives, and if it’s true you see other women.” She sounded increasingly worried.

“Jan, no one pays attention to those pieces, relax,” he assured.

“But it’s clearly suggesting we’re interested in each other,” she pressed.

“Wait, we’re not?” He teased in fake puzzlement.

She rolled her eyes. “You know what I’m saying.”

“Don’t stress over it,” he reassured once more and placed his hands on her upper arms. “It’s just superficial gossip only taken seriously by junior high girls who don’t even remember Phyllis exists half of the time.”

The mention of the feminine name made Jan wince inwardly. Not because she had any issues with the slightly older woman, as she seemed fine when she visited the set during the first month of the season. But hearing Phyllis’ name or any other references to her just reminded Jan of how inappropriate and unacceptable her fling with Mike was. She glimpsed to his face to read what kind of emotion he might have, which was hardly any. If there was one thing that bugged her a little about the musician, it was that he was a little too good at hiding his emotions.

Back in his trailer, Jan was seated comfortably on Mike’s lap passionately kissing, with their hands traveling all over each other’s bodies, more brazenly than before. While she was thoroughly enjoying all these benefits to hanging with Mike, she was starting to wonder if he would actually initiate sex into the equation. Part of her appreciated him letting her take her own pace, especially since it wasn’t like she knew what she was missing anyway. Even if her libido was rapidly growing frustrated with the restriction. But what was he getting out of this? Couldn’t he just get this at home if he wasn’t interested in the promiscuity that came with being a rockstar? There was also the possibility of the more they physically progressed while fooling around, the more obvious it was going to be Jan was a virgin; and Mike might lose interest in her. Unless he could already tell based on their present activities and didn’t mind. She didn’t dwell on these kind of thoughts too much though. Probably because she was doing more thinking with her body than her brain, and she didn’t want to know the real answers to her own questions. But hey, if he really was fine with just kissing and touching…

Jan gasped when Mike’s hand pertly left her rear and smoothly navigated under the flimsy costume tank top she was wearing to cup her bra-covered breast. He was only lightly touching her, but since the motion was new territory for them, she momentarily lost her equilibrium. Her left hand fell to his hip making his own breath hitch. Fascinated with that reaction, she experimented with grazing her hand further south as she became more aroused. While breathing heavily, her glazed over eyes happen to land on the window next to them, and found Micky and a key grip strolling right next to the trailer. 

“Ah!” A short shriek escaped her before she bounced off of Mike and onto the floor. Startled by her severe reaction, he instantly panicked.

“What? What happened?”

She exhaled and closed her eyes as she regained her composure. “Micky—Micky’s by the window,” she notified while her hand went to her chest and the other through her hair as she continued calming herself.

Mike leaned over the couch to peer out the window and see his bandmate/co-star walking past the parked vehicle. He sighed and hazily turned the wand on the blinds to block out the exterior vision. Both of them realized this was a rare incident where they forgot to close the blinds. He chose to lie down on the couch and run his hand over his face to try to relax. As he propped his right leg up for more comfort, Jan’s heart raced in realization that his bulge still appeared as prominent as she could feel while they were holding each other.

“That was close,” she finally broke the silence with.

“Could’ve been worse. Could have been someone like Ann,” he flatly considered.

“What’s wrong with Ann?” Jan asked, remembering her conversation with the columnist earlier.

“Oh, nothing personally,” he said. “In fact, I’d usually admire anyone who’s willing to hustle that hard for their work, if I could bear what her publication stands for.”

Jan found that reasoning amusing. “I don’t know, Mike. That sounds kind of snobby,” she teased with a smirk and placed her hands on her hips for effect. “Tweens need something to read too, you know.”

He lazily dropped his hands on his chest while looking at her pleasantly. “I’m sure they can find something more interesting than what my favorite breakfast is.”

“What is your favorite breakfast?” She continued for fun.

He smiled at her friendly chat. “Sausage and eggs. Yours?”

“Waffles,” she replied just as contently.

There was a comfortable silence until Jan decided to move to the sink to pour herself a glass of water. On her way back, he softly grabbed her hand to get her attention. She sat on the edge of the bed as he intertwined their fingers. 

“Look…I’ve actually been thinking recently…” He started carefully.

She sat blankly until he carried on.

“Maybe we should take a break from doing this…”

 _‘What? No!’_ Her mind worried, even with him soothingly squeezing her hand. “You do?” She asked, hoping her voice sounded neutral.

“To tell the truth, I’m a tad surprised we’ve let it go this far, heh,” he claimed.

 _‘Oh no…’_ She went back to silence. 

“Especially since this isn’t a fair arrangement with you hiding around all the time,” he continued.

 _‘What did I do wrong? Why is he suddenly changing his mind?’_ “I don’t mind, really. It’s been great,” she insisted.

He let go of her hand to lean up into a sitting position. “It’s not even really a legitimate relationship though. You should be dating one of the nicer guys on the set,” he suggested.

 _‘I should be, but…I don’t want to,’_ she argued with herself. “I mean…I suppose I could…” She drifted moderately as possible.

“I noticed that new gaffer, Pat, looked interested in you the other day. He’d probably be a good date.”

That was news to Jan, but it barely made any effect on her. She was more annoyed at how casual he mentioned it. “Yeah…I guess.”

Mike must have noticed she was mentally elsewhere, because he held her hand again. “What’s on your mind?”

“Oh…well…” What was she supposed to say? “Maybe you’re right…this has been reckless and a bad idea. There was no way something like this could work…” It was true and his suggestion was the best logical solution. And yet…she still felt disappointment. 

“Alright,” he agreed with a nod. 

“Yeah…” She reiterated with an additional pause. “See you around set,” she ended before slowly leaning in to hug him goodbye. They let it linger for a moment with Jan tested to see if it was possible to touch him and not feel attracted to him. She sighed and could feel him also take a deep breath while holding her. That along with the squeeze Mike gave her made her confident that no, she was still very much into him. After about a minute, she carefully raised her chin from his shoulder and looked at him from the rather close proximity. He had an expression that appeared like the feeling might be mutual, which was confirmed when their lips rapidly found each other, and they fell back down onto the couch…


	3. Saturday's Child

Ch. 3: Saturday’s Child

LA, November 1966

So nothing actually changed between Mike and Jan after their trailer conversation. In fact, Mike got a little bolder with their interactions, such as inviting her to recording sessions and not just seeing each other on TV set breaks and lunch. It probably would’ve seemed a little unusual for her to be around the recordings, since she wasn’t in a public relationship with any of the band members or on the job for articles like Ann, Rochelle or Carol Deck. But since there were technically other girls around, Jan figured maybe no one thought much of her presence. Because she was dedicating so much free time to Mike, Jan was starting to wonder if anyone at the ScreenGems lot was noticing what she was up to. If they had seen her discreetly sneaking into Mike’s trailer, no one had showed any signs that they knew that the pair were together. Or if they did, they didn’t care. This was Hollyweird after all. Jan even gave Mike her personal phone number, but he had yet to actually use it. She didn’t bother asking for his house number though, understanding that would be illogical with their situation. Privately, the two hadn’t really progressed physically, except now their hands wandered underneath their clothes when they were intimate.

The first time Jan visited a recording session could not have been more perfect. She exited her condo and locked the front door in a pair of jeans, dark orange long-sleeved shirt and brown blazer. Mike had planned to pick her up before the trip, but he surprised her by arriving on his Triumph motorcycle. She released a surprised gasp with a big smile at the sight. He was wearing boots, jeans, a plaid shirt, a black leather jacket and his usual sunglasses to complete the cool image. 

“Oh my God! This is so far out!” She ecstatically exclaimed, as if she was a 10-year-old girl being given a pony. 

Mike held a proud smile at her reaction and leaned on his right foot to angle the bike toward her. “Hop on, little lady. I heard you’re headed my way,” he smoothly offered. 

Jan tossed her bag across her shoulder and skipped up to the vehicle still in awe. “Wow…”

“I’m going to show you my favorite route to cruise through the Canyon on our way back to your place later,” he revealed, still enjoying her excitement.

“Really?!” She declared. “Are you sure? That’s a lot of gas for one day…” Riding through Laurel Canyon sounded amazing, but she didn’t want him to go out of his way just for her either.

He just shrugged. “It’s only about 30 more minutes than I usually do without you on the route. And something tells me you’re worth it,” he flirted.

Jan felt herself blush as she raised her leg to straddle the back of the bike and hold his middle. 

“You ever been on one of these things before?”

“No…” She answered cautiously.

“Okay, well. Hold on to me and don’t let go,” he instructed as he revved up the engine, and she gladly followed through. Jan smiled for the whole drive to RCA Studios, with her long brown-golden hair flowing wildly in the wind. When they reached the freeway, she leaned the right side of her face onto his shoulder and closed her eyes serenely. She thought about how she never wanted the season to end, and wondered what she did to deserve so much of Mike’s adoration. She didn’t think about how much of a risk it could be being in public like this, especially with so many photographers walking around town. And she definitely didn’t think about how Phyllis has most likely sat in this same motorcycle seat before her.

After they reached the studio and parked Mike’s motorcycle in the lot next to the building, he held her hand until they were near the front entrance. Once inside, Jan discovered two other Monkees (Micky and Peter), their regular engineer Hank Cicalo, and Ann. There was a second where Jan worried at least one of the men would ask why she was there, but they barely paid any attention to her as she walked around and got a look at the recording room. Ann didn’t even seem to take notice of her, as she apparently would spend most of the day talking to Peter. Jan was excited to see the band at work in an entirely different setting, especially since it was going to be one of Mike’s songs, though only with him producing. The song was called ‘Do Not Ask for Love,’ and was actually written by his old Dallas buddy Michael Martin Murphey. She loved how often Mike tried to include his less famous musician friends on his tracks. The group had already recorded this song while making the first album with Davy on lead vocals, yet it ended up shelved as an outtake. But Mike decided he wanted to try it again and have one vocalist, rather than both Davy and Micky on the chorus. And Micky liked the song so much, he was going to be singing lead this time. Jan had previously discovered Mike had an agreement with the label that he could get at least two songs on each album, but only if he and the other three didn’t play any of the instruments on the record. Jan thought that was really unfair, but Mike learned to tolerate it because “it keeps Donnie off my back,” as he told her.

For most of the session, Jan took a seat on the far end of the soundboard and kept quiet while witnessing Mike and Hank work their magic on the music. Once in a while, Mike would have to remind Micky or Peter to ‘cool it’ with goofing off, proving to Jan that he was very much the unofficial leader of the group. She didn’t know what she was expecting from what goes on in a recording session, but it was fairly easy going, fun and professional simultaneously. Peter (and Ann) generally stuck by the piano, even though the former was only playing rhythm guitar on this tune. The fact that he was playing at all made Jan consider that he secretly showed up to the recording. At one point, the other Michael visited the building, and Jan got a kick out of the two exchanging Texan lingo, with Mike’s accent vaguely getting a tad deeper. The rest of the personnel consisted of session musicians whom Jan didn’t recognize since she wasn’t as familiar with the music industry as she was with TV’s. But Micky did inform her that one of the guitarists, Glen Campbell, and the drummer, Hal Blaine, were huge names around the recording studios.

Later into the session, Mike stood up to grab a snack, and Hank picked up his production notes for the day as he was leaving.

“Wait, who’s Liz?” He suddenly asked, but Mike was already out of range to hear him. 

“Oh, that’s me,” Jan answered. “I mean, my real name is Jan, but that’s what Mike calls me because—I don’t know—it’s a nickname he has…” She sloppily added, realizing she didn’t have much of a story behind the moniker.

“Oh,” was all he acknowledged and went back to the buttons for a couple more seconds before glancing back to her. “Sorry, what do you do?”

Jan sensed he was confused on why she had been spending the whole day next to them. “I’m just visiting as a friend of the group,” she explained plainly.

“Ah,” he said with a tone that almost sounded like he should have figured as much. After another pause, he got a better look at her. “That’s some hair.”

“Thanks.” She accepted the compliment and ran a hand through said hair, suddenly wondering how windswept it might still look from the ride. Behind her she heard a knock that grabbed her attention. Looking up, her eyes landed on Mike leaning his forearm on the doorway and holding a small bag of potato chips above her.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“I hope the glitz and glamour of Lala Land aren’t completely disillusioned by our more technical efforts,” he lightly suggested as he let go of the bag that she managed to grab just in time.

“Oh no, this has been very interesting,” she insisted while opening the chips. “I really underestimated how much versatility Micky has as a vocalist.” 

“Yeah, he’s a great alternate for my original vocal arrangement,” he agreed only slightly irate.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized sympathetically.

He lowered himself from the doorframe by placing his hands on the board to be at the same level as her. “No, don’t be. I’ve learned to live with it. And Kirsh is right, Micky is the best singer in the group.”

She smiled contently at him. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with a reciprocal grin before strolling back to his side of the board; during which Jan realized Hank was presently missing and was probably why Mike felt openly comfortable with their conversation. By the time Mike and Micky were satisfied with the vocal tracking, Peter, Ann and Micky then left, with Hank not far behind. Jan and Mike stuck around for a while though, with the latter showing her how to isolate a vocal or instrumental track on the production board, making Jan captivated by the effect. Right when they were turning to leave the room, Mike gently wrapped an arm around her from behind and kissed the top of her head; causing her stomach to flip gleefully. 

The ride back home was just as thrilling and exciting as late morning, and by the time they were driving through Laurel Canyon the sun was setting. They spent around 15 minutes going through the mountains, with Mike commentating some irreverent and amusing tidbits about a typical bike ride with famous friends like Peter Fonda. Feeling a little guilty over him having to backtrack to Venice, Jan tried to weakly make up for it by showing him the inside of her place. It wasn’t exactly as classy as he might be used to in his neighborhood, but he appeared to show appreciation for her style and described her beachy interiors as ‘very her.’ When she apologized for the extra route in the drive, he just smiled and told her not to worry about it. The day then ended with the two sharing a big, long kiss goodbye, which made her feel weightless and wonder when someone was going to pinch her awake from dreaming. 

****

Other special incidents also stuck out in Jan’s mind from the same month, like when the group had to mime and lip sync performances of their songs for musical sequences on the show. Some tunes, such as ‘You Just May be the One,’ included the performances taking place at a faux-house party on the set. A big crowd featuring some Monkee girls would dance and cheer along to the backing track playing while shooting occurred. Jan didn’t know who Mike wrote the song for, but she imagined it was for her and would occasionally, very quickly try to smile at him throughout the takes. Right when she figured he might be too ‘in character’ or worried someone would notice their interaction, he passed her one of his famous winks, which only got her to smile more. A similar occurrence happened while filming another Mike song, ‘The Kind of Girl I Could Love,’ during a club scene. Only this time the day ended less joyfully.

“Jan, Bob got a close-up of your butt.”

It took a couple of seconds to even process what Roxanne informed her. “Excuse me?”

“Yep,” the blonde confirmed. “During the third take he went around the crowd zooming in on some of the extras’ bodies. He got June’s legs, David’s back and your butt,” she ended with pointing her index finger downward.

Jan looked around the set to find the episode’s director, showrunner Bob Rafelson, plus his AD, Mark Sandrich and the DP, ‘Lippy’ Lippman chatting by the camera during the present set break. She knew that Bob’s real interest was feature films and he was using the sitcom as an easy way into the industry, which included him directing a handful of episodes. And since he was his own boss on the set, he could essentially do whatever he wanted creatively in the director’s chair. Jan felt a wave of anxiety run through her body. She and the other Monkee girls had been used so often as extras that anyone who was an avid fan would probably recognize her in the background of scenes by now. If that close-up was edited into the final cut of the episode, some people would realize the pinstripe white pants and blue tank top were on her. She didn’t like the thought of that, especially since wasn’t asked if she was comfortable being shot at that angle. She glanced up at the stage to see if Mike had noticed what went on during filming. He didn’t appear to have any particular expression, but his mind seemed to be elsewhere for a lot of the day anyway, save for a quick smile to her during the second take. 

When the group jumped down from the stage for the quick break, Jan waited until Mike was near the edge of the room before rushing over to him and touching his arm for his attention.

“Mike…Bob got a shot of my ass.”

“Yeah, I saw,” he verified. “I’ll go talk to him.”

She panicked again and grabbed his hand before he could move. “Oh, no, you shouldn’t. I mean, that could look suspicious.”

He gave her hand a squeeze before casually letting it drop. “We’re a friendly production team. It wouldn’t seem that unusual.”

“No, really…I can ask him myself,” she offered, though she wasn’t confident with her choice either.

He looked mildly unconvinced. “You sure? It won’t be a big thing, I promise.”

“Yeah, I can do it. Bob’s a cool guy, right?” At least she hoped he was, since her communication with the producer had been only brief since she was hired in September.

“Well, it depends,” he said honestly. “But I can’t think of any reason he would care that much about a random expository shot. And if he really wanted it, he’d probably just ask one of the other girls for another.”

She nodded and took a breath at his response. “Okay…I think I’ll be fine then.”

“Let me know if you change your mind and want me to ask him,” he suggested once more.

“No, I can do it,” she insisted. “I’ll just…wait until shooting’s done for today.”

But the more Jan stalled on confronting Bob about the close-up, the more she got cold feet. At the end of the day, she was paranoid that if she asked him to delete the shot, he might have her replaced on the set. Instead she went home morose and having to mentally accept that her bum now had a chance of being in syndication history forever.


	4. Of You

Ch. 4: Of You

Hollywood, December 1966

Not long after Thanksgiving, Jan found herself hanging at a bistro in town for lunch with Valerie and Roxanne. The three girl friends chatted cordially about topics ranging from personal interests, favorite pop culture and even on-set gossip while enjoying some soup and coffee. Jan was having a pretty good time and always liked talking to her two closest work buddies. Though right now she was also having trouble getting her mind to stop wondering when the next time she was going to feel Mike’s arms around her. 

“…Oh, and we still have to find Jan a boyfriend.”

That comment woke the partial brunette up from her daydreaming. “Huh?”

“Aren’t you getting sick of being third wheel everywhere?” Roxanne asked.

“Oh…well, you know…I don’t really need a boyfriend right now,” she claimed, which caused both blondes to stare at her blankly.

“You don’t want to date?” Valerie asked skeptically.

“I mean, Aaron and I were kind of serious by the end of our relationship. And it’s healthy to have some space for yourself,” Jan theorized.

“But that was over a year ago,” Roxanne pointed out.

Jan continued to attempt to come up with a better excuse. “Well, going steady has been out of style lately anyway.”

“Ugh, I know,” complained Valerie after a bite of soup. “I’m worried if Mitch and I ever break up I’ll be single forever because guys only want to casually date and get high now.”

“I doubt that will happen,” Roxanne reassured before talking a sip from her coffee cup. “Anyways, I’m surprised no one from the studio’s asked you out yet, Jan.”

****

A week later, Jan experienced a different sort of hang-out, this time with Mike while strolling through one of the grassy hillsides directly behind the Columbia studio lot. They were talking rather genially and appreciating the open air and nature without much worry. Mike didn’t say a lot, but Jan pondered some thoughts to him throughout the meeting. Like how she actually kept going back-and-forth on whether or not she wanted to sign up for college soon.

“What do you want to go to college for? I dropped out of college and I’m doing alright,” he asked bluntly.

“Oh…well, it’s not so much for the education,” she began. “But more like something to do…while searching for something to do?” She considered.

“Looking for a career?” He continued.

“Maybe. I don’t know,” she replied frankly. The personal discussion reminded her of just how aimless her aspirations were, and made her wish she was more goal-oriented like some of her friends, including Mike.

“What’s wrong with the gig you got right now?” Mike randomly picked up a little rock on the side of their route.

“Oh, nothing. This is probably the coolest job I’ll ever have,” Jan assured, wondering when this was going to stop sounding like an investigation. “It’s just, you know. You can’t exactly make a life out of being an extra. Well, I guess I could. But it would probably get boring fast.”

He then threw the rock beyond them and watched it ricochet off the dirt path they were walking on. “We have a national tour coming up next month. It goes until the last week of January.”

“Oh yeah, I’m so excited for you guys!” She remembered exuberantly. “You’ll finally get to play live professionally again.”

“Peter’s thrilled, naturally. Micky’s still a bit self-conscious about his timing, but he’ll be fine.”

She nodded as an acknowledgement.

“How good was your reading and writing in school?”

“Um, fine, I think…” She answered, not sure where he was going with this.

“We’re actually still on the look for a road publicist…” He referred to.

“Oh, that sounds like something Barbara would be good with,” Jan pondered, referencing one of the girls who work for the show in the studio’s offices.

Mike let out a small exasperated chuckle.

“What?” 

“I was offering you more work experience, ya goof,” he playfully teased.

Jan’s mouth parted slightly in surprise. “Oh!...Is that a good idea though?” While a whole tour with a huge pop group sounded like an (exhausting) blast, she wasn’t completely delusional to common sense. “I mean…we’re kind of pushing it as it is…” She cautioned.

He took a while to respond, choosing to focus on the outdoors scenery. “Just a suggestion,” he eventually said.

Hearing the doubt in his response, she reached over and wrapped both her arms around his right arm. “But I greatly appreciate the offer all the same.” She placed her cheek on his upper arm supportively. “That was really generous of you, Mike.”

His only response was a nod that made her wish she could see his eyes behind his sunglasses. “I actually signed up for five episodes of “Bewitched” after the holidays anyway,” she revealed. “And I don’t want to be a hassle by dropping out on them.”

He finally showed a bit of a smile. “Losing an extra is hardly a hassle. Jan, it’s fine if you don’t want to go—”

“No, I seriously would love to,” she clarified. “But…I don’t know how comfortable I am taking our…situation out of town,” she confessed while releasing his arm. 

He looked at her in understanding. “You’re probably right.”

She was relieved he wasn’t too disappointed in her bringing them back down to earth, so to speak. “Besides. The month would be good for me to find some more important things to do with my free time other than lounging at the beach or the Strip,” she contemplated.

Mike tranquilly placed his hands in his pants’ pockets. “Don’t obsess over your desires, Liz. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen. Stop thinking. Let things happen.”

Jeez. How was she supposed to respond to that? Wasn’t that what she was doing too much of? Was this a Christian Scientist thing? One of the few things about Mike that intimidated Jan was how much more intellectually mature he was compared to her. He didn’t boast or treat her like a kid, but sometimes she felt sort of out of his league; and not just because he was half a decade older and had an instinctive habit of using at least one fancy word in each sentence. He also had a full-fledged career and legitimate real world experience, while she was currently buying time on all of these TV sets. She must have been frowning while wondering about all this, because after what felt like a minute, she heard Mike say: “Well that clearly wasn’t the suitable thing to say.”

Jan gazed back up at him to see a sympathetic smile. “No—I mean, yes—I mean…I don’t know. Sometimes I think you might be too clever for me,” she revealed meekly.

This time he was the one to pull her close and wrap an arm around her. “That’s not my intent,” he assured before kissing her temple. She inhaled while closing her eyes. “So what are you feeling? Want to keep up this promenade some more or head back to my place?” He offered while his hand fell from her arm to her waist.

She knew his 'place’ was just his trailer down on the lot. While their intimate moments were the best part of being with Mike, she was also still enjoying being in the outside environment. “I kind of like it out here right now,” she answered peacefully. 

He shrugged a shoulder to show he was good with that choice before they kept strolling.

****

The next week Jan had yet another educationally stimulating conversation, this time with Rochelle; whom she’d discovered was actually pretty candid with her backstage stories on the music groups she’s been affiliated with. The two young women were presently seated at a table right outside the ScreenGems cafeteria. Rochelle with a coffee, cigarette and her usual sunglasses on top of her head, and Jan with a soda. The latter tried to start the chat as casually as she could on ordinary topics like work and hobbies, until she noticed Rochelle didn’t seem to mind getting personal. She had already learned who was the biggest partier on the road, who made passes at the most girls, who didn’t care about touring at all and was just waiting to get back to the creative aspect. And then they got to discussing the reporter’s last stint on the latest Raiders tour and how she usually was the friendliest with lead singer Mark Lindsay…

“And then we made it before I had to leave for a Joan Baez gig,” she ended her story with.

Jan was speechless for a brief second. “Oh…I didn’t realize you two were together.”

“We’re not,” she expanded.

“So…it just happened like that?” Jan continued for clarification.

“Sure,” she confirmed simply.

The set extra let the information sink a little more. “And Keith on the Stones tour?...” She lingered, remembering Rochelle mentioned she was traveling with them before the Raiders.

“Yeah—oh, no, that time we just necked around for a while,” she modified. “I’m not interested in drunk sex.”

Jan nodded at the reply. “…I don’t think I could do any of that,” she confessed.

Rochelle shrugged, not offended by the reaction. “It’s not for everyone. Why are you so interested though? Do musicians turn you on?”

 _‘Only one,’_ she secretly thought. “I’m just…curious because this whole scenario sounds sort of wild to me, but…I guess is now pretty common?” She finished with a question to get the attention back on Rochelle.

“Basically. Who’s your rockstar crush?” She asked Jan, still convinced otherwise and took a drag from her cig.

“No one…I just said that,” Jan reminded.

“It’s one of the Monkees, isn’t it?” Rochelle predicted.

The golden-ish girl just sat for a few moments, not sure how to deny it any more than she already was. “…Why do you say that?”

Rochelle stubbed out the remainder of her cigarette in an ashtray on the table. “Because the few times we’ve talked whenever I visit the set, you always end up asking about my travel adventures, which usually lead back to these guys,” she interpreted.

Jan could only be silent at the correct assumption. 

“So who is it? Mike?”

She tried to not let her eyes widen anxiously at the accurate name.

“Peter?”

Though it wasn’t him, she was still mentally calming herself from hearing Mike’s name to give Rochelle the impression of the opposite.

“It is Peter! I knew his goofy flirting had to work on some girls,” she exclaimed, pleased with her current guess.

“I don’t have a crush on Peter. Even if I did, he’s with Leah,” she reminded.

“Barely,” Rochelle said flippantly.

Jan shook her head quickly. “Anyways, I really just find your career fascinating. I’m not sure I would have the energy or really talent for that kind of multi-tasking between all the writing, editing, interviews, and…everything else,” she concluded.

Rochelle tossed some of her long, black hair over her shoulder before lowering her shades over her eyes. “You get the hang of things pretty quickly, especially when you have youth on your side. I originally thought I was going to be a novelist. Now look where I am,” she said lazily posing with one hand.

“That’s great,” she replied with a genuine smile. “Thanks again for letting me probe your personal life.”

“Not a problem. It’s especially easy when the personal life and work co-align often,” she said as Jan got up from her seat to leave.

“Oh, actually, I forgot,” Jan suddenly remembered and turned back to face the writer mid-walk. “Speaking of the Monkees…are you working their next tour? Their first big one?” 

“Nah. I think Tracy Thomas nabbed that gig this time,” Rochelle recalled.

“Oh, alright…” She tried to say without sounding disappointed.

“Why? Want to find out if Mike parties on this one too?” She asked with a very minor smirk referencing the last time this topic came up.

“Ha…no,” Jan muttered and wondered if Rochelle’s wrong answer to the earlier crush question was on purpose. “See you later,” she finished the conversation with and carried on her way.

****

The week before Christmas—and the final day of filming for December—Jan and Mike drifted slowly through the TV studio hall that night. This was most likely going to be the last time they would see each other for the rest of the year. With the majority of the cast and crew already gone, the two were a little looser with their interactions. Halfway down the empty hall, Mike softly touched her arm to get her to stop walking. 

“Hey, I—” He paused to grab a small box from his jacket pocket. “I got you something for the holiday.”

“Oh, you really didn’t need to buy me anything,” she argued, though she was internally intrigued.

“I think you’ll get a kick out of this one though,” he countered and handed the personally wrapped box to the shorter girl. She gingerly accepted it and carefully unfolded the wrapping. Her lips parted in shock at what was inside.

“Oh, wow! Mike, I didn’t even know you were paying attention when I told Valerie about this,” she declared. A week ago she had mentioned to the fellow stand-in in between takes that she regretted not buying an emerald bracelet she came across with June while browsing an antique shop outside Topanga Canyon.

He smiled sincerely at the reaction.

“You really shouldn’t have though. You’re never near Topanga,” she pointed out. _‘And because we’re not really a couple,’_ she added to herself.

“Well with what comes in my weekly paycheck, I think I could afford to branch out for an antique shop,” he teased. “To be honest, I think you deserve something nicer than a hand-me-down heirloom.”

Jan was delighted, but also pondered on what something like that could usually imply in a regular affair. “No, I think you made the right call. Thank you,” she said sweetly. The moment reminded her that she also had a—much more modest—gift for him in her bag that she was going to give him before they parted today. “Oh…”

“What?”

“I have something for you too,” she started.

“Now you really shouldn’t have,” he joked back with a smirk.

“No, I wanted to, but…it’s going to seem lame compared to the bracelet,” she cautioned.

“I doubt it,” Mike assured while taking hold of her empty hand.

Jan smiled at the assurance before letting go of his hand to take out a handmade card from her bag’s inside sleeve. “I had a hard time coming up for something you might not already own, so…I made it myself,” she presented. He took the piece of folded paper and opened it. He didn’t speak while looking at it, but did grin again, which made Jan wish he would say something even though he facially showed appreciation. On the inside of the card was a colored-in doodle of the guitarist with his trademark Gretsch and Monkee uniform. His in-character green woolhat was replaced with a Santa hat along with a handwritten note that said ‘Merry Christmas! (and Happy Birthday!)’ next to the drawing. Additional Christmas lights were drawn around the text. After what felt like half a minute, Jan spoke again. “I wasn’t sure if I would see you again before your birthday, so…I guess this was me being cheap,” she said slightly embarrassed at how much less effort she put in compared to him. “I should have made a separate one for the birthday…”

“You should attend art school,” Mike finally said and glanced back to her.

Jan was surprised at the comment. “Oh, this is just something I do for fun. Like some people do with a journal or sports. I don’t think I would fit in with artists who have actual potential,” she claimed.

“You might. I was only playing music ‘for fun’ while at the Air Force,” he considered for her. 

She didn’t have anything to argue that statement with so she just nodded again. After another pause, she changed the subject. “You ready to have jetlag for a month?” She jested.

He huffed drolly. “We’ll probably be too exhausted from all the playing and traveling for that to take effect.”

“Yeah…plus all those famous fangirls I’ve heard about…” Jan tested to see how he’d react, more out of curiosity than jealousy. Not that she had any room to be jealous anyway.

He shrugged freely. “I think we can handle some excited kids. Won’t be any different to the ones who saw us during the press gigs,” he claimed.

“Oh, for sure. I meant…I was wondering if you guys will get any of those older fangirls who follow their favorite groups around. I mean, I heard that happens a lot these days…” She ended giving up subtlety. 

Mike easefully placed a hand on his hip. “Maybe. I’m not sure. The other guys will likely be into that, but I’ve been never particularly interested in that element of the road,” he asserted. 

_‘So Rochelle was right after all,’_ Jan recollected. If he truly didn’t care about casual sex, she wondered if she was the first girl he’s done this sort of thing with. Part of her felt flattered if that was the case, but then another, bigger part of her instantly felt kind of gross if she really was the only, direct cause of infidelity—even without the sex. This was another reminder why she didn’t usually think about this topic. _‘Man…if only he really could have been single…’_

“Oh…well, it must be nice to be a part of a band to experience all that hysteria with. I imagine it’s twice as hard if you’re someone like Bob Dylan or Donovan,” she theorized as a distraction.

“Likely,” was all he said while putting his hands in his pockets. 

She let a moment of silence run through, before stating: “I’m going to miss you guys.” Her eyes telling him that she meant the ‘you’ more than the ‘guys.’ 

He had an empathetic grin when he offered once more: “I can still save you a spot on the tour.”

Jan sighed and wished for a moment she could say yes before ultimately letting reality take over. “No. I should stay home…I love that you still want me to go though,” she confessed with a soft blush on her cheeks.

Mike responded non-verbally by running a hand through her long hair and letting it fall behind her shoulder. His hand then gently landed on her neck and just lightly cupped it, making her heart beat twice as fast and her eyes dilate a bit in anticipation. The gleam in his own eyes was enough proof to her that he liked the effect he was having on her. They held each other’s stare for a long while until Jan remembered she was still holding the bracelet and tried to discreetly place it in her bag. This motivated Mike to release her and place his own gift from her inside his jacket pocket. Jan gazed back up at him once more lovingly. “Thanks for the present again.”

“Likewise,” he replied softly. 

She raised her arms to hug him and kiss his cheek as an end to the conversation. He returned the hug and gave her a peck on the lips…Which just ignited more passion into their embrace. 

Jan turned away from his mouth when she felt her back hit the wall as they kissed, now reminded of where exactly they were again. She breathed out: “Mike, someone could walk by,” as her hands went from his back to his upper arms.

He made up for the lack of lips by kissing the skin next to her ear, causing a tiny moan from her. “We’re the last ones from the set,” he assured.

“There are still other people on the lot,” she stressed with her body wishing she’d shut up as she felt him briefly suck on her pulse point before raising his head. She gave him an appreciative expression while she could feel her face now completely flushed. He kissed her forehead with an extra tight hug, making her instinctively squeeze his arms before he officially released her and stepped away. 

“That’s a lovely color on you,” he commented as a reference to her blush.

Still feeling flustered from the little make-out moment, all she could respond was a breathless reaction. After a long breath and tucking her hair behind her ears, she lightly tried with a smirk: “Care to drive me home?” 

He smiled in return cheekily as she held out her hand for him to take hold of. “Don’t mind if I do, Miss Liz,” he agreed with as they finally left the building.


	5. Truly Yours

Ch. 5: Truly Yours

Burbank, January 1967

For the next four weeks, Jan treated the extra time off more as a vacation rather than sign up for junior college, find a new hobby or job interest that could possibly be the origin of a future career. Outside of those five “Bewitched” episodes (all of which only required her for one scene each), she just did as she always did by spending the weekends on the beach or in the city. She told herself this wouldn’t be any different than a holiday break if she was still a student. And she told herself that Mike wouldn’t be underwhelmed at her still being indecisive on what to do with her life. And she was reminding herself many times that month of how she wasn’t allowed to feel disappointed when Roxanne just happened to mention to her that Phyllis had joined the Monkees tour as Mike’s guest.

Jan did bump into Rochelle a couple more times on the Columbia lot, and now felt comfortable enough to discuss her own personal issues with the writer. Like how the new concept of ‘free love’ rapidly overtaking the hippie community made Jan worried her lack of sexual experience was going to make guys not be interested in her. But Rochelle apparently just found this very amusing and told her with a chuckle “that doe-eyed deer look will do you well in life.” Whatever that means.

The one thing Jan did make a somewhat legitimate effort to do while the band was away, was go on a couple dates. Not only to convince her friends that nothing was out of the ordinary in her love life, but also to try and force herself not to become overly attached to Mike. One of the boys who asked her out was a fellow extra from the studio, but then he had to cancel at the last minute because of a family emergency. The other was a guy named Tom who worked with the set lighting and asked her out to the Whisky. Jan had a good time, as the club always had great live acts, but she didn’t feel any possible romantic sparks when Tom held her hand and kissed her cheek at the end of the night. But maybe this was normal and things were supposed to start slow? She had fallen in love with Mike so quickly that it had put her whole perception of the concept out of order. Looking back, she didn’t think she was ever really in love with Aaron. She did enjoy his company though, and maybe that’s all she needed for future beaus if she couldn’t be with Mike officially.

But all of this went right out the window the last week of January when the Monkees flew back to Hollywood to continue shooting the last four weeks of the sitcom’s schedule; and also begin recording their third LP. Jan couldn’t remember if it was her stomach or heart that flipped when she walked through the set the first day of filming, but that familiar anxious kick immediately returned. Not only because she was happy to see her work pals again, but primarily because she was finally near Mike again. Throughout the daily shoot, the background extra tried not to be distracted by the fact that she felt like she was going to jump out of her skin from being so close to the star and not touching him. The day was fortunately so busy with everyone getting back into the swing of things, that the two didn’t even really have enough time to speak to each other; save for Jan welcoming him back and him passing her a couple of smiles.

When lunch rolled around, Jan attempted to walk over to Mike’s trailer as calmly as she could and glanced up at the window to see if he was inside. He peaked out right as she stopped in front of the parked vehicle and pointed at the door before closing the blinds. If she wasn’t so excited to finally see him again, Jan might have been a little embarrassed by how fast she jumped through the entrance and shut the door. They didn’t bother catching up with stories on their time apart and just went straight to wrapping around each other.

Ten minutes later, the pair were tangled up on the couch and breathing steadily. Jan rested her head on his chest with her left arm draped over his body, while Mike held her with one arm. Their clothes were disheveled and partly unbuttoned, but still technically on their bodies. After a long, tranquil sigh, Jan gazed up to find Mike’s eyes were closed and appeared just as peaceful. She continued to watch him for a few more moments before raising her hand to run it across one of his sideburns. They were now twice as big compared to when the two first started getting to know each other back in October. 

“Did you forget how to shave while out of town?” 

The teasing plus her hand on his face got him to open his eyes and glance down at her in amusement. “You don’t dig ‘em?”

“I don’t even know what to think,” she said still humored. “It’s like…half-sideburn, half-beard,” she concluded while petting his cheek once more. 

He grabbed her hand and placed it back on his chest leisurely. “Well, some guys are growing out their hair these days,” he half-heartedly argued.

“I guess,” she commented pleasantly while rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand.

“You should see some of Micky’s or Peter’s friends if you think this is bad.”

That got a chuckle out of Jan. “Don’t be too hard on them. They admire you.”

The statement caused a look of genuine surprise from Mike. “What makes you think that?”

“Well it’s pretty clear with the way they follow your lead whenever the four of you are together,” she suggested. “Though you’re rather good at taking situations into your own hands too.”

“Some people would call that ‘anal,’” he dryly considered.

She snorted. “Not exactly the word I would use, but alright…”

He didn’t respond and chose to just enjoy the current ambiance with his eyes closed again, with his hand occasionally running up and down her arm. After what sensed like a minute, she raised her head to kiss his jawline. When Mike didn’t acknowledge it, she kissed all the way down to his chin. Noticing him only smile vaguely as a reaction, she took an extra step in the intimacy and very bluntly nipped at his jaw with her teeth. He inhaled deeply as she tried nipping a second time. By the third, he quickly grabbed Jan with both hands and placed her upper half on top of him, causing a tiny squeak from her. “Careful there, missy.”

She smirked and replied: “Your fault,” while her smirk morphed into a happy smile. She kissed his lips and broke away only when their lips slightly parted. Jan then chose to graze her right hand down his side, but once it reached his hip, he instantly grabbed her hand and brought it back up. She crinkled her brow in confusion and even a bit of frustration, but the semi-serious expression on his face got her to place her chin on both of her hands resting on his chest. “Mike, when are you going to write a song for me?” She asked completely changing the subject.

He responded with an intentionally exaggerated sigh. “You know, I’ve been thinking about that lately too…”

“Oh?” She perked up in interest.

“Yeah, and…the thing is…” He hesitated.

“What?...” She drifted uncertain.

“You just might be too nice of a person to influence a song,” he revealed.

“Huh?”

“Well the best artistic inspiration always comes from conflict—”

“Oh, Mike.” She weakly nudged him as she moved off his body and to his side, now realizing he was giving her a hard time.

“—And we’re just having too great a time for me to compose something unique,” he concluded.

“Oh, really?” She rhetorically passed back.

“Hey, I don’t make the rules,” he claimed with a lopsided grin to show he was playing around.

“What about ‘Sweet Young Thing’ or ‘Papa Gene’s Blues?’ You going to try and tell me those aren’t love songs?” She debated back for fun with her own smile.

“Sometimes you have to force yourself to write a commercial tune when you’re near broke,” he insisted.

“Like either of those songs are Brill Building material,” she teased.

“Well they are by my standards,” he continued. She lightly pushed his shoulder again and he grabbed her hand to kiss her knuckles.

“I bet Phyllis got a song out of you,” she pondered out loud without thinking and immediately regretted it. The awkward, uncomfortable silence that followed only convincing her even more it was the completely wrong thing to say. After what felt like the longest moment of her life, Mike eventually set her hand down and stood up from the couch to move to the far end of the trailer. She sat up and saw him straighten his clothes and ran a hand through his hair. She followed suit and stood up to fix her own clothes and hair. When he chose to turn from her and pour himself a glass of water, Jan mumbled “see you later,” and left the trailer wishing she could kick herself.


	6. Just a Little

Ch. 6: Just a Little

Los Angeles, January 1967

If Mike was feeling any guilt at Jan reminding him of his wife during their last break together, it was gone three days later when he stopped by the young girl’s place to pick her up for a rare recording session outing. Jan wasn’t expecting him, but also wasn’t going to turn down the chance to fraternize; especially since she didn’t know how often she was going to see him once the show’s filming schedule ended for the season. Neither of them mentioned the unfortunate ending of their previous meeting, which was completely fine with Jan, and they spent most of the drive chatting as if nothing had happened. 

This session started during the afternoon and went a bit late into nighttime, but since it was Friday, she didn’t have to worry about being anywhere in the morning. The atmosphere in the studio this time was completely different to the first time she visited. Most noticeably, there were no session musicians anywhere to be seen, with the exception of Mike’s best friend, John London. Who wasn’t even really a session player and just providing bass as a favor. Hank was back as engineer, and a new addition to the production team was a younger man around the band’s age who Jan discovered was Chip Douglas of the Turtles. Mike had recruited him as the Monkees’ new record producer after discovering the arrangement of the Turtles’ huge hit ‘Happy Together’ was coined by Chip. Another reason was that Don Kirshner had just been let go as the TV-pop music group’s record supervisor, and Mike wasted no time taking advantage of the creative freedom. Jan still hadn’t really found out exactly why Don was let go though. Mike was peculiarly ambiguous with the brief story he told her despite most of their discussions being private and he knew she wasn’t telling anyone them. 

The mood of the recording process today was a lot more exciting and pleasant than back in November. Not that the previous one was a drag, but there appeared to be a lot more comradery and improvising, plus Davy was here this time and Peter had a groovy harpsichord solo. Not to mention, Jan was able to see Mike play on the track besides produce, which was great. Chip was also a good team player, actually listening to the band members’ suggestions and interests, but also interjecting to get things back on track if they got a little too distracted. The group switched back-and-forth between two different songs today: ‘All of Your Toys,’ which was another tune written by one of Mike’s friends (this time Bill Martin) with Micky on lead vocals; and ‘The Girl I Knew Somewhere,’ with Mike singing lead on one of his own songs. Currently it was near 8:00 PM, and the band was congregated in the sound booth, along with Chip, John, Jan and Ann for a relaxed break. Davy and Ann were in the back chatting, Micky and John were at the end of the soundboard giving Jan suggestions for a crossword puzzle she was playing on, while Mike, Peter and Chip were speaking rather discreetly to each other. The other five didn’t seem to notice the restrained way the three young men were talking until Mike got their attention. 

“Hey, ladies…do you think you could give us a few minutes?”

Jan and Ann sat nonplussed for a couple of seconds, not expecting the request. “Sure,” Jan replied calmly before grabbing her bag and heading out of the room, with Ann following with her own bag and notebook.

Outside in the hallway, Ann sat on a bench making notes while Jan just leaned against the wall opposite her. “Does this happen sometimes?” She asked.

“Hm? Oh, I have no idea what’s going on in there,” Ann revealed after glancing up at the other girl. “Actually…this is the first time I’ve ever been kicked out of a session,” she realized.

“Oh,” Jan said.

The writer shrugged. “I’m sure Peter will tell me about it later anyway,” she considered plainly before going back to her pen.

After five minutes, Davy popped out of the door. “Hey, you two can come back in now if you like.”

The rest of the session only lasted 70 more minutes, with the guys now getting a little looser with their jamming and composing. Chip and Mike grabbed a couple of beers and Peter lit up a joint. Jan tried not to appear surprised when Mike asked if she wanted a drink, mostly because she was still technically under the drinking age and they were in a professional location. But she ultimately turned down the offer since she wasn’t much of a beer person. And it looked like Davy and Ann were presently fine with soda and chips, so she wouldn’t be the only one left out. 

By the time the whole group was leaving for the night, Micky and Peter were discussing how surreal it felt to oversee their own recording decisions. To which Davy reminded them that the label still had a say in the release choices. And Chip suggested Mike and Peter’s judgment would still be more appropriate than a third party like Kirshner. 

“Yeah, and this time Mike probably won’t have to punch a wall again,” Micky suddenly revealed.

Jan’s mouth dropped from both shock and being impressed. “You punched a wall?!”

Mike held a bit of an embarrassed expression before turning to his bandmate. “Thanks, Mick.”

“Why? Because of how the LP was released?” Jan asked refencing the band’s second and latest album, ‘More of the Monkees.’ Peter had recently told her the whole record had been organized, released and marketed without the group’s knowledge. After Mike and Peter found out about the existence of ‘More…’ while browsing a music store downtown, they took it upon themselves to challenge label backed with Bob and Bert’s support. 

“No. Well, sort of…He tried to shut us up with a new contract…Not one of my finer moments, unfortunately,” Mike clarified still a little discomforted.

Jan’s eyebrows were arched in surprise at the supposed outburst. She then noticed him speedily turn his head to Ann’s direction, who was apparently opening her bag again. As soon as she took out her notebook, she raised her head and found Mike glaring at her with a look daring her to write down what was revealed. The reporter stood still for a couple of seconds before rolling her eyes and placing the book back in the bag. It then occurred to Jan that she and Ann were probably asked to leave the recording booth earlier because Mike didn’t want Ann to hear whatever they were discussing.

Once they were outside, Chip, John, Davy and Ann went their separate ways to their vehicles, and Peter grabbed Jan’s attention. 

“Hey, Jan. Micky and I are headed over to Gazzarri’s for a bite, you want to come along?” He offered. “Isn’t this one of the nights June usually dances? We could surprise her!” He added with an excited smile.

On any other ordinary night this would’ve sounded like a lot of fun, but…she secretly wanted to spend some more time with Mike. She took a quick glance at the tallest Monkee to see if he had any reaction to the suggestion. His face showed completely neutral, leaving it up to her to decide what she wanted to do. 

“Maybe another time. I have an appointment tomorrow and probably shouldn’t stay out too late,” she fibbed with another subtle glimpse at Mike. “Thanks for offering though!” She ended with her own smile. 

“Sure thing. See you guys next week,” Peter parted with while Micky waved as they left to the opposite end of the parking lot. Jan gave an extra wave before turning around to see Mike casually waiting for her a couple feet away. They strolled alongside each other to his car until Jan looked around her to see if the others were out of sight before wrapping her arm around the middle of his body.

“Wow, Mike. I didn’t know there was that side to you,” she commented coyly referencing the punch from earlier.

He glanced down at her. “Sorry to disappoint,” he replied lethargically.

“Are you kidding? I’m so turned on right now,” she continued feeling like getting a rise out of him.

He snorted. “Are you really?”

“Well…okay, not totally,” she revealed loosening her hold on him slightly after feeling a laugh move through his side. “But it’s good to know you can…defend yourself in more than one way,” she concluded.

“Wasn’t much of a defense. I just lost control for a minute,” he modified.

She then suddenly picked up his right hand to study it. “Looks like you healed pretty quickly.”

He properly held her hand to squeeze it before letting go and wrapping around the top of her arm. “It happened last week. The walls in that Beverly Hilton are crap anyway.”

She giggled at the blunt statement while Mike kneaded her shoulder once before letting go when they reached his car. “I like Chip. It’s cool you got someone in charge who’s your age,” she assessed as they parted for their sides of the vehicle. 

“I knew he’d vibe well with the rest of the team,” he casually claimed while turning the car key to open the door. “He’s all over pop music right now, but he’s got a folk background. He’ll feel at home once the storm tides over,” he finished before sliding into the driver’s seat and leaning over to unlock her door from the inside. Jan entered the car once he situated back into his spot. 

“Is he going to spend next summer working with Turtles while you guys are back on tour?” She asked after closing the door. 

“No, he’ll most likely be mixing the records for us after we’re done recording,” Mike answered. “He’s not with the Turtles anymore.”

“Oh…” She didn’t expect that response. “So what’s he going to do while you guys work on the show?”

“Beats me,” was all he replied as he turned on the engine and looked over his shoulder to back the car up. Jan sat a little puzzled at his explanations. From what she briefly learned speaking to Chip earlier in the day, it sounded like he hadn’t even been a member of the Turtles for long before Mike asked him to be the Monkees’ producer, and he was still enjoying the previous band. Rather than expand on her confusion, she chose to let it go so to not appear nosy or out of her lane. She turned on the radio instead as he drove them down to Venice. 

When they reached Jan’s street, Mike parked the car and accompanied her into her place. The pair would finish the night with a 15 minute make-out session against her kitchen counter until Jan felt they should call it a night before any heavy petting got too out of hand. (And because she discovered she might have been a little more turned on than she earlier thought.)


	7. Sunny Girlfriend

Ch. 7: Sunny Girlfriend

Malibu, February 1967

A week later the Monkees spent one of their shooting days at the beach for a set of outdoors sequences. Mike called Jan a couple days beforehand offering her to stop by even though she wasn’t needed for the scenes. Jan naturally accepted the offer and got a ride with Valerie, who was participating in the filming that day. For the first three hours she just stuck around Valerie and fellow set extras/Monkee pals Ric Klein and David Pearl, and idly chatted in between takes. Around noon, the crew decided to break and switch some of the props and equipment. Mike caught Jan’s eye and subtly motioned for her to follow him down to the sand, which she did after giving him about fifteen seconds for a head start. Six minutes later she saw him turn away from the set and disappear behind a rocky slope. Right when she was going to see where exactly he went, she felt an arm grab her wrist and pull her behind the slope. A quick squeak escaped her mouth as she barely got a glimpse of Mike pulling her into a bear hug. Jan felt his chest vibrate with a chuckle and attempted to pull back in his arms. “Mike, you ham—” She started but was cut off by his lips kissing her, with her instantly melting into him and wrapping her arms around his back. She gently broke away from him after a couple of minutes, mostly because they were in public and she knew there was a much higher chance of someone catching them like this. After a couple more, moderately innocent kisses, Jan led him out near the water so they wouldn’t get too carried away or feel tempted. And because she felt like now would be as good a time as any to just have an enjoyable conversation with him.

“Well, now that’s just terrible,” he said pointing to his saltwater covered boot. “Let’s go back up, this is pointless.”

“No, I like it down here,” she argued cheekily with a smirk.

“Neither of us are exactly dressed for the beach,” he persisted, pointing out that they were both wearing jeans, with Mike in a pin-striped buttoned shirt and dark brown suede jacket. Jan’s upper half was in a navy blue cashmere sweater.

“Yeah, but your sitcom has us down here anyway, so…” She continued just as amusedly.

“See, this is why I’m never here,” he said kicking a piece of seaweed, with Jan noticing he was now trying to hold back his own smirk. “Between the saltwater, and the seaweed, and the bird crap and the sunburn.”

“Jeez, Mike. Tell us what you really hate, why don’t you,” she joked.

He glanced back at her fancifully. “I don’t hate you, obviously,” he claimed before setting his forearm on her shoulder. 

“Obviously.”

“Give me a bike on a dirt road any day over a sandy floor.”

She playfully threw her head back. “Oh, you’re such a Texan.”

“Born and raised,” he agreed while adjusting his sunglasses with his other hand.

“Okay, how about this. Name 10 things you genuinely like,” she challenged.

“Well, alright.”

“Not including me,” she added still smiling.

“Just anything?” He clarified as they started to stroll next to the water.

“Sure.”

“Hmm…I like barbequed steak, that joint off Mulholland with the bar, John Ford westerns, the last Kinks record…the hillside for rides, Abe Lincoln, Busch Bavarian beer…Is that ten?”

“I think it’s seven,” she estimated.

“Spotte and Fraak…” he continued naming his pet dogs, “Christian…”

Jan tensed slightly at the name of his son, carefully wiggled out of his arm and stopped walking. “Mike…what’s going to happen to us after the season ends?”

“Hopefully nothing. You seem like you’re in good health,” he jested in response.

“It’s just…We really only see each other during shooting…” She reminded.

He placed his hands in his jacket pockets while thinking. “Well, you can still visit us when we record.”

“Those are fun, but I also feel like I’m a literal fly on the wall,” she confessed. “At least Ann is around for her job, I’m just…there.”

“The other guys consider you a friend. Plus having a female presence in the room keeps us on our best behavior,” he claimed.

She half-laughed, half-snorted at that statement. “I’m sure it does.”

“You could go to some of our local concerts too,” he suggested.

That was something Jan hadn’t done yet. Mainly because she considered in the back of her mind that it might be a risk bumping into Phyllis. But it would be another inconspicuous place for them to meet in public, if he could plan it right. “Yeah, maybe…”

Noticing she was lost in her thoughts, he pulled her into a hug. “Hey,” he began softly and rubbed her back. The action made her close her eyes and sigh then return the embrace. “Everything will work out,” he promised. She opened her eyes up to him while still resting her cheek on his chest.

“I guess we could hang out at my place. I mean, I know it’s tiny and not as trendy as your house—”

“Well, why didn’t I think of that? You’re a genius, Liz,” he agreed soothingly with an extra tight squeeze. She felt relief and warmly held him close. He raised his hand to tilt her chin up slightly and kiss her. She returned it passionately until forcing herself to separate from him and recommend they head back to the set before anyone noticed he was missing. Jan had her hand around his waist and Mike with his arm around the top of her arm while they walked back. They let go of each other once the cast and crew were in view and continued only side by side. When Jan found Valerie, she casually parted from Mike with a wave and stepped over to her friend. He nodded back before making his way to the rest of his castmates.


	8. Love Me Not

Ch. 8: Love Me Not

Hollywood, February 1967

Jan brushed out a lock of her hair one final time before setting the brush and blow dryer down to check her full appearance in her bathroom mirror. She was at the end of getting ready to attend the wrap party for the first shooting season of “The Monkees,” and wanted to look extra good. Currently she was in a sleeveless, baby pink mini-dress that stopped mid-thigh and had on all white strappy saddle shoes with half an inch heels. This was possibly the most feminine ensemble she’d worn since graduation two summers ago (and might be the shortest dress she’d ever worn), topped with her hair blown out a little wavier than usual. For makeup, she chose just a dark pink lipstick and some mascara. Jan hoped to not only enjoy the final night with the whole cast and crew until autumn, but also wished to get Mike alone for a private conversation. Everything was going to change after today, and not just the locations of their meet-ups. Jan was going to tell him that she wanted her first time to be with him. Their arrangement would never be ideal, but she really couldn’t imagine herself ever doing it with anyone else and she didn’t want to. Not that their moments weren’t already amazing, since she continuously surprised herself with how many ways she could find just touching each other enjoyable. But the more time they spent, the more she was gradually becoming physically frustrated. She just knew deep down going all the way with him would feel even more incredible. Since Mike was the one who originally put the restriction on their physical interactions, she thought maybe dressing up and looking girly for a change would help convince him of going further intimately. If the party was a hit—which no doubt it would since everyone from the production was now friendly with each other—and he was in a good mood, then she couldn’t picture her plan failing.

In reality, this might be the worst idea Jan had ever come up with in her short 19 years of living. But since her affair with Mike was a complete secret as far as she knew, there wasn’t anyone in her life to remind her of common sense. She was just going along with her heart (or was it her hormones?). Five months ago she would have naturally thought of this as a terrible situation to be in, but now she adored Mike so much she was willing to take a risk or two. In fact, she was shocked he still had no problem with limiting themselves to only foreplay all these months later. Jan was a virgin, but based on what some of her friends had told her about their own experiences with their boyfriends, it should be…a lot more challenging for him to restrain himself than her. But the rare times she had contemplated this subject, it always led back to her remembering how if he wanted sex, he could just go home to Phyllis. Which just made Jan feel lousy and quickly return to ignoring that whole concept.

Twenty minutes later, the young woman carpooled with June and Valerie to the party, which was being held on their usual soundstage. But with the props eventually replaced with assorted appetizers and punch after some photos were taken as mementos. Jan was having a great time with everyone, and a couple of the guys in the room even told her she looked nice. She started the late afternoon by just hanging with the Monkee girls before chatting with some of the crew members, to eventually catching up with Micky and Davy. Micky also introduced her to his new girlfriend, Samantha Juste from London, who was nice and pretty like most of the models musicians date. 

After about forty minutes, Jan started searching around the room for Mike, but only found Ann and Rochelle entering the set for the first time without their notes and tape recorders. She was disappointed, but not really surprised. She actually hadn’t heard from him at all since earlier in the week, but she knew he was going to be here like everyone else anyway, so she didn’t think much of it. She was just getting antsy to speak with him soon. 

Eventually the set extra made her way over to the snack table for a refill of punch. Right as she placed the cup down, she felt someone tap her shoulder.

“Hi, do you work at the studio? I can’t seem to find the coat rack.”

The second Jan turned around she felt her entire world pause and flip on itself. She was standing right in front of a blonde woman in a white sweater with a matching white mini-skirt and holding a bright orange jacket. The woman didn’t seem to know who Jan was, but Jan definitely knew who she was.

“I haven’t visited the set since September, and it looks like some things have changed in the design, so…” Phyllis continued hoping for a suggestion from the younger girl on what to do with her stuff.

Jan was frozen in her spot, completely numb to responding to anything. Seeing Mike’s wife this close to her and unaware of her association with her husband felt like she had just been forcefully yanked out of a dream and thrust back into real life. She couldn’t tell if it was the nauseated feeling in her stomach or her heart beating rapidly that came first. All she knew was that she suddenly felt like a stranger in her own body. It took until Phyllis raised an eyebrow at her being unresponsive for Jan to attempt to break out of her state and verbally respond. “Uh, I…um…”

Her incoherence was cut off by Phyllis waving to someone behind Jan to get their attention. Jan managed to turn to see who she spotted and found Mike. It was a good couple of moments before he realized the other person next to his wife was Jan and when he did, he stopped in his tracks a little surprised. He recovered a lot smoother than Jan did though, and moved next to the blonde completely straight-faced. 

“Looks like they aren’t serving wine after all, Michael,” the housewife proclaimed as he took a glimpse at Jan. “Unless that’s a rosé,” she considered motioning to the table.

“It’s punch,” Jan finally spoke as much as she could while trying not to stare at Mike as she was reminded at how good he was at hiding his feelings.

“And I still haven’t found where to hang my jacket,” Phyllis continued then readjusted said item on her arm and placed her other hand on her husband’s shoulder. “Sorry, I didn’t get your name,” she stated apologetically looking back to the light brunette.

“It’s Jan,” Mike answered before the other girl could respond. His tone totally neutral as if they barely knew each other. “She’s one of the background extras on the show,” he concluded before unbuttoning his favorite suede jacket as an excuse for something to do.

“Oh, that sounds fun,” the young mother said pleasantly and took a look at the young girl’s appearance. “That’s a very cute dress. Is it from retail or do you sew?”

A lump formed in Jan’s throat when she noticed Phyllis subtly squeeze Mike’s shoulder after she finished speaking, and instantly felt the need to get away from the couple. “Excuse me,” she mumbled before rushing from the table and tried not to push her way through the now large crowd that had formed in the soundstage. When she was halfway into the faux-living room, she bumped directly into Peter.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” He exclaimed irreverently with a big smile even though the holiday was over a week ago.

“Peter…” She whimpered out with a crack in her voice.

His smile vanished once he noticed Jan’s frown. “What happened? Are you okay?”

She swallowed a hard gulp before speaking. “Peter, if I tell you a secret do you promise never to tell anyone?”

“Yeah, of course,” he assured as her eyes became red from tearing up.

“I mean it, no one can know,” she stressed while barely containing her tears. 

“I promise,” he insisted and wrapped an arm around her. “Let’s move over here…”

Ten minutes later Peter knelt in front of Jan, who sat on one of the beds, after leading her into the pseudo-bedroom of the Monkees apartment, and held her hand supportively. She vented everything from the past four months while crying and then just dropped her head toward her lap in defeat. She was suddenly glad she didn’t care much for make-up with her current state.

“That’s…uh…yeah…” Was all Peter could respond after the whirlwind tale.

Jan sighed and wiped her right cheek of remaining tears with a tissue. “I feel so stupid.”

He offered a gentle smile. “Don’t. You know, for all Mike’s genius and wit, he does have a bad habit of reacting without thinking.”

The sympathy didn’t make her feel any better. “I should have figured she’d be here tonight. The rest of you brought your girlfriends.”

He rubbed the back of her hand before letting go and sitting up on his knees. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s on him more than you.”

Jan rubbed her eye of what she assumed was left of her mascara and sighed again. “I mean, I know I’m partly responsible. I was the one choosing to run to his trailer every week,” she recounted with another frown. “You seriously didn’t know?”

Peter only shrugged a shoulder. “Mike and I don’t exactly hang out on our own. I usually like to chat with the crew and Mike’s doing…whatever he does in his trailer.”

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, not caring if it crimped the waviness. “I can’t believe I fooled myself into thinking he cared.”

“I’m sure he really did care. He’s just…not thinking clearly today,” he tried to assure carefully with his wording. “He likely would have asked you out if he was available.”

That just made her crinkle her brow in frustration. “I don’t even care about that anymore. Now I just feel like crap if she really did have no idea.”

He exhaled while trying to think of something more to say. “Well…if it’s any consolation, I’ve never really believed in marrying your school sweetheart. Big reason my own marriage only lasted three months, heh.”

Jan crumpled up her now completely used tissue. “I didn’t know you were married.”

“It’s not exactly something you drop in the middle of a conversation,” he said lightly. “You look really pretty,” he complimented to try to comfort her again. But remembering why she even dressed up for tonight just made her groan and collapse her head into her lap. 

“Want me to drive you home?” 

She leaned back up and ran her hands fully over her face in a final attempt to compose herself and let out a big breath. “No. I don’t want to ruin the party for you and Leah. I can handle being in the same room as them.”

“Leah’s not here,” he informed casually.

“Oh…well I still don’t want to be a downer all the same.”

“It’s really not a huge thing. I’ll see a lot of these guys next week at the recording studio anyway,” he insisted.

“I’ll be fine,” she claimed.

But Jan discovered being ‘fine’ was a lot easier said than done as soon as she stepped back into the modest shindig. Even with making sure she was on the complete opposite end of the room as the Nesmith couple, she still felt sad and on edge. She couldn’t help herself glancing at the pair and noticing them perpetually side-by-side. She spent a little under forty-five minutes chatting with her girl friends and some of the crew again before accepting that she was struggling too much pretending to be having a good time. When Jan happened to catch Peter’s eye a few feet away, he got the unspoken hint and pointed to follow him to the exit door. After he drove her back to her condo and turned off the engine of his car, he gave her a warm smile and hug. She thanked him for the ride and appreciated the friendly empathy, but still ended up waving goodbye with a somber smile on her face. By the time she was out of her party clothes and in bed, she succumbed to crying herself to sleep.


	9. Me Without You

Ch. 9: Me Without You

Venice, March 1967

Jan was aware that what happened at the TV wrap party wasn’t exactly a break-up or legitimate betrayal, but it didn’t stop her from feeling depressed and fully heartbroken. After leaving the event early with Peter, she spent the next eight days completely ignoring anything to do with Mike. Which turned out to be pretty easy, since he hadn’t made any effort to contact her either. If anything, she was just glad all of this blew up in her face right at the very end of the show’s schedule and she didn’t have to uncomfortably work with him now. Jan already had planned to fill lost hours from the “Monkees” productions with episodes of “Peyton Place” and “I Dream of Jeannie,” so for the past week she focused on the change of pace from the new gigs. To try and not sulk over the party incident during her free time, she spent all last weekend out of the condo socializing or being active, and planned to do the same with this weekend. Because Jan couldn’t find anyone available to hang out with this Saturday morning, she decided to pull a brown sweatshirt over her white T-shirt and blue jeans for a bicycle ride around town. It seemed like a novel idea at the time, especially since she hadn’t taken her bike out of the tiny shed since November. The fresh air from the other side of town would feel just as good.

When Jan made it near the edge of Mar Vista, she decided to turn around and ride by the beach. On her way back, she idly rode toward a gas station when she did a double-take spotting a recognizable Triumph motorcycle next to one of the pumps at the end of a row. The man she then noticed kneeling next to the vehicle confirming exactly who she thought it might be. He wore his obligatory denim pants, but his usual buttoned shirt and suede jacket were replaced with a white T-shirt and a plain black leather jacket. She took a quick turn out of the bike lane and into the lot as discreetly as she could. Jan battled with herself on what exactly she should do. The sting from last week still drifted near the top of her mind and she didn’t know if she was ready to speak with him again. But she also considered that she didn’t even know when she would actually get to see him again now that everything was disjointed. And she really wanted some closure. After a minute, she chose to set her bike on the rack next to the station’s convenience store and let her feet slowly guide her to the rider. He didn’t appear to notice her presence even by the time she stopped in front of him.

“…Mike…”

He looked up from wiping the bike’s front mirror and instantly recognized her through his sunglasses. “Hey, Liz. Hand me that nozzle, can ya? Thanks.”

He was only about a foot away from the gas pump, but she did the favor anyway. “What are you doing here? You’re never in Venice.”

“Driving you to-and-fro has really gotten me to appreciate the scenery,” he claimed while popping the cap of the gas tank. “Especially since I’m adding a T120 to my garage next week. Won’t that be groovy when I pick you up next season,” he revealed still acting like nothing was out of the ordinary.

Jan ran a hand through her hair cautiously before replying. “Uh, Mike…I’m not coming back next season…”

He paused his movement and waited a moment to glimpse up at her. “Oh?”

“Yeah…You know, Roxanne and Micky broke up, and Roxi got a spot as a seat filler next August for ‘Hollywood a Go-Go’ through June, since she’s still a dancer on the show. They suggested I sign up too and I took the offer…Plus I already got work in the second half of pilot season, so…yeah,” she detailed carefully.

“You told them about us,” he stated nonchalantly while taking the tire pressure gauge out of his jacket pocket to check the air of the front tire. 

“No,” she corrected. He glanced up at her with an unconvinced expression. “I really didn’t,” she restated seriously and truthfully.

Mike put the small gauge back in his pocket and stood up. “Must be an exciting gig for you to want to sign up that fast.”

Jan gripped two of her fingers a bit anxiously at how the conversation might go. “I mean…when you think about it, how long could this really last? You’d get bored eventually, especially without sex,” she theorized.

“That’s just a technicality,” he asserted. “We weren’t exactly holding hands in my trailer.”

She wasn’t sure if she believed that but didn’t feel like getting into it either. “If you say so.”

There was a short silence between them before Mike spoke again. “You sure you want to leave the show so soon? There’s going to be a void now, what with two blondes, two brunettes and you not there as both. It’s like—”

“Mike…I think it’s over,” she insisted bit sterner. “If last week wasn’t a wake-up call…”

He cringed at the subtle reference to the party. “Yeah, I want to apologize for that—”

“You might as well slap me across the face, because that’s what it felt like,” she shot back bluntly.

“You really think I planned that?”

“I don’t know, Mike. Your brain’s always been a complete mystery to me,” she claimed disgruntled. “You didn’t even warn me.”

“I know…I forgot,” he said lamely.

She snorted in disbelief. “Seriously? I don’t believe that.”

“It’s not like I forgot your existence, I just forgot to tell you. I meant—” He cut himself off with a frustrated breath. “I have a lot going on in my life right now.”

Jan knew that wasn’t a lie. She was aware that the final month of the group’s TV schedule overlapped with them beginning their new album throughout February. And if last Friday was any indication, he also was still supporting a family at the end of the day. But considering how much time the two had been spending together, it still felt like a weak excuse to her. “Yeah, I know. Joke’s on me for believing I was a big part of that life.” Anger was now quickly replacing her depression.

Mike released a huffed breath. “I never said you weren’t.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“You know, I never kept my personal life a secret from you. You always knew what was going on, so don’t start acting so naïve, Jan,” he accused now with his own agitation.

The irony was that she’d never felt more naïve than ever before these past eight days, but she wasn’t going to admit that. “I’m not acting naïve, Mike. I don’t think it’s ridiculous to assume you’d have some tact and give me a heads-up before the party.”

“Well, believe me, I wish I had,” he insisted and then added swiftly: “You looked great, by the way. I would’ve told you otherwise.”

She tossed her head back with an irritated sigh. Now suddenly glad she didn’t let him take her virginity, and not about to inform him of her original intention. “Look…I really don’t think it’s a good idea to just go back to how things were before. And I’m shocked you seem to think the opposite.”

“Even if we stop fooling around, I’d still like to consider you a friend,” he indicated.

“…I don’t know if I can do that, Mike,” Jan admitted. “You know, I’ve thought a lot about us for this past week. And I…I really don’t think it’s in my moral compass to settle on being your mistress or groupie or whatever.”

He stepped beyond his bike to try and hold her hand. “I’ve always thought of you as more than that.”

She placed her hand behind her back to dodge his. “That doesn’t change the reality though.”

The action seemed to affect Mike and keep his distance. “I’m sorry I held you back and we didn’t come to this conclusion sooner then.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I’m saying. I’m not even saying I regret our time together,” she revealed while annoyed that she could feel her face warm up. “I just…I really think this is the best step forward. I don’t want another close call like that to happen again.” 

“Well, I admit that was my mistake and I wish I hadn’t been the cause of you feeling so terrible,” he held.

“I’m not just upset that my feelings are hurt, okay. I feel like shit for helping you betray your wife,” Jan confessed. “Don’t you?”

There was a long pause with a couple of moments where it looked like he might say something, but he didn’t. If the context of the discussion were completely different, she might be impressed this was the first time she had ever seen him speechless. Eventually Jan just gave him a weak smile and turned to head back to her bike.

“Wait, hold on,” he called then grabbed her forearm to stop her from walking and pulled her into a hug. She didn’t raise her arms to return it, but let him hold her anyway and refused to let her body enjoy the feeling. Which became difficult once he started running his hand up and down her back. “I don’t want you to leave feeling down. Let me make it up to you,” he requested while setting his right hand around her upper arm and squeezing it.

“How?” She asked simply, knowing at this point he was desperate for her to change her mind.

A clicking sound went off beyond them, with Mike turning his head to find the source.

“Your gas is done,” she stated. He let go of her and moved to replace the pump. She followed him.

“You know…maybe this is the motivation I need for that ‘moment of clarity’ we were talking about weeks ago,” she considered. “I was actually thinking of spending the summer taking a couple of courses at Glendale. Or maybe get a desk job at one of the studios…”

“You’d be stellar at both,” he assured while closing the gas tank and hanging the pump back up.

“I should probably start dating again soon as well…like you suggested,” she realized remembering what he hinted the month they started secretly meeting.

Mike chuckled at the reference. “I was trying to set a boundary at the time. Didn’t work obviously, I just felt more enamored with you.”

That infatuated flutter Jan felt whenever he flattered her bounced back in that instance, but she chose to ignore it. “Yeah, but…it would be good for me to date someone my age again. I mean, I never thought we had much of an age difference. But maybe…”

Her comments caused Mike’s face to become serious and almost worried. “Jan…did you ever feel like there was an emotional imbalance between us? Be honest with me.”

She took her time answering. Mostly because she was still mad at him and wanted him to feel as bad as she was. But with that aside and despite recent events, she really didn’t think he was a bad guy deep down, even with his occasional poor judgment. Even at her most depressed last weekend she didn’t reminisce their intimacy as anything other than sincere and romantic. He always took their conversations seriously and respected her opinions, which made her enjoy his company consistently. It wasn’t just because she thought he was cute and made catchy music. He made her feel confident with herself intellectually and physically. The circumstances of their lives just weren’t ever going to line up well. “…No. I don’t think you took advantage of me.”

“Okay. That’s good,” Mike said in relief. “Maybe you’re right. Starting something new this year could be intriguing for you.”

Jan nodded, also relieved, but curious, that this was all it took for him to give up the argument. “I’m thinking so too,” she agreed. “I hope anyway. I was never a great student. And I’m not sure I have the patience for office occupations. But I’m not gifted creatively, so I guess that’s life…What do you think?” She asked as if it were any other day and there wasn’t any awkwardness.

He appeared as though he was legitimately coming up with a proper response. After about ten seconds he looked at her with a soft smile. “I think you should do what you feel is right.”

She thought that was a good answer and appreciated how his broad wording felt appropriate for their whole conversation. “Thank you,” she replied with her own smile.

“If you ever change your mind, it’d be real easy to get your old spot at the set back—”

“Mike…” She interrupted and slowly shook her head to any possibility of her staying on the sitcom. 

He nodded once to show he got the hint. “Alright.”

Jan took a step backwards, finally ready to end the meeting. “Good luck with the next record.”

He chose to nod with a grin rather than verbally thank her and turned to his motorcycle once more. She was halfway to her own bike when she suddenly heard:

“If you’re serious about a desk job at ScreenGems, let me know and I’ll give you a referral.”

She glanced back around to acknowledge she heard him right as he turned on his bike’s engine. The young woman then grabbed her bicycle from the rack and hopped on it to head onto the street again. Unaware of how many unexpected turns her life would take in the future and how long it would be before she ever spoke with Mike again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, what do you guys think? Let me know if this is a pairing that is interesting to you, because I already have a few ficlet/one-shot ideas growing for these two... 💫


End file.
